Moulin Vert
by Aliet Faslami
Summary: An IZ parody of the movie Moulin Rouge. What am I getting myself into? This promises to be rather interesting... Act 5 up!
1. Auditions!! BEWARE AF'S CASTING!!

Moulin Vert!  
  
(An IZ parody of "Moulin Rouge")  
  
JOY!! It's parody time!! Anyway, this is an IZ parody of the movie Moulin Rouge. I dunno how many people have seen this movie, but... go see it for the love of caffeine!  
  
The basic plotline is this guy named Christian falls in love with a courtesan--if you don't know what a courtesan is, look it up--named Satine who is the star of a "nightclub" known as the Moulin Rouge and Satine also falls for him. Unfortunately, a Duke who the owner of the Moulin Rouge wants to finance a major play written by Christian for the Moulin Rouge also falls in love with Satine and wants her as his own. The Duke won't finance the play unless the owner gives him Satine. That's basically it. Anyway, here are the characters who will be appearing in this lovely parody!  
  
Satine: the star courtesan of the Moulin Rouge, "the Sparkling Diamond"  
  
Christian: an English playwright/poet come to France to seek his fortune  
  
Harold Zidler: Owner of the Moulin Rouge  
  
The Duke: bad guy who wants Satine or won't finance the club or the play  
  
Toulouse: a "dwarf" who is one of the male actors Harold hires to appear in the plays the Moulin Rouge puts on, knows Satine  
  
The Narcoleptic Argentinean: another hired male actor who is tall, overly strong with an insanely deep voice and has narcolepsy--a disease where you suddenly fall asleep  
  
Satie: He does the music for the plays and is kinda crazy  
  
Duke's Servant: uh.. he's a big, mean, evil guy who threatens people for the Duke because the Duke is a wimp.  
  
Diamond Dogs: the women of the Moulin Rouge... there's a LOT of them!  
  
Monsieur Chocolat: he's one of the few men at the Moulin Rouge. He basically watches out for Satine to make sure nothing bad happens to her at the hands of the people attending the Moulin Rouge. Sort of Satine's bodyguard.  
  
Marie: retired Diamond Dog who now works behind the scenes keeping the other DD's healthy and stuff.  
  
Nini: Diamond Dog who is Satine's rival... sorta, and a bitch.  
  
The Frog: the Duke's little green friend in a fantasy Christian has... it's bizarre... don't ask... please, for the love of Irk don't ask...  
  
There! I think that's everyone! Now! I can't just have anyone be who they want to be... We might end up with Red as a woman or something odd like that... so it's time for what every thespian hates!  
  
AUDITIONS!!!  
  
Here's our IZ cast list:  
  
Zim  
  
Dib  
  
GIR  
  
Gaz  
  
Tak--I'm going to be making a lot of guesses about Tak... most of what I know comes from the trading card thingymabober at http://z_questionmark.tripod.com/planetirth/  
  
Red  
  
Purple  
  
Prof. Membrane  
  
Ms. Bitters  
  
Keef--AAAAAAAAAH!!  
  
Jendai--if you don't like him in here, deal with it.  
  
We zoom into an auditorium. The IZ people are in the seats and AF sits on the stage in a director's chair, holding a script and her flamethrower. A CD player is at her feet with a copy of the Moulin Rouge soundtrack sitting on top. The usual amounts of bickering and general homicide attempts are happening, which serves to piss AF off.  
  
Zim: (shoving Dib off him) GET AWAY HUUUman! Leave me be! It was NOT MY idea to be DRAGGED into this STOOOpid audition thing!  
  
Dib: (tries to tackle Zim) I bet it was! You're just here to use some sort of evil mind warp thing to doom us all!  
  
Tak: (appearing over the top of one of the seats) Yes human! Kill the Zim! (starts randomly cheering for Zim's demise)  
  
Zim: GAH!! (notices Tak) What on Irk are YOU doing here!?  
  
Tak: (shrugs) AF invited me.  
  
Dib: (ceasing his attack for a moment) Wait.. How does she know you!?  
  
Tak: Goooood question! (leaps for Zim) YAAAAAH!! (whips out her hot BBQ sauce) Fear the wrath of earth Sauce! (chases him up and down the aisles)  
  
Zim: LEAVE ME BE, YOU PSYCHOTIC FEMA-(stops and stares at someone sitting in a seat)-No... It... HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?  
  
Keef: (AAAAAAAAAH!) Hiya buddy! Wow, long time no see! I liked those eyes you gave me! They made me see you everywhere!  
  
Zim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (flees)  
  
Red: (whining) Why do I have to be here!? (glares at Purple, who's reading the script) What are we supposed to be doing anyway!?  
  
Jendai: (leans over the back of the seat between the Tallest) Well... you COULD be reading the script like Purple... or rehearsing your song for the part you want. (retreats back, listening to something on his headphones) Lessee... (starts singing softly) Come what may... I will love you, until my dying day... no... Erg... (flips through songs)  
  
Red: (realizes he has to actually sing and reaches back to grab Walkman) Give me that! I need it! (rips it away from Jendai) You already have a song thing to sing! I need one!  
  
Jendai: HEY! (pissed) Give that back! (somehow climbs over the seat thing to tackle Red and beat him up in a giant cloud of dust for his Walkman)  
  
Purple: (still reading script) dum de dum... ooo, hmm... should I be that guy-no, wait, that's a woman...  
  
GIR: (sitting by Gaz, watching her play her GS and drinking a Freezie) Can I push dat?  
  
Gaz: No  
  
GIR: Can I push dat?  
  
Gaz: No (eye twitch)  
  
GIR: How bout dat?  
  
Gaz: NO  
  
GIR: Can I push-  
  
Gaz: NO!! (eye twitch) Now shut up before I destroy you.  
  
GIR: (pulls a piggy out of his head) Oo, I like destroying! Don't you Piggy? (giggles and leaves Gaz alone)  
  
Bitters: (to Membrane) And that's why your project is dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-(insert bug crawling across face here)-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomed...  
  
Membrane: (ignoring her on purpose) When is this going to start!? I must get back to the lab before the entire world has need of me once again!  
  
Random extra people in the room: O.O  
  
AF: (getting annoyed, fires her flamethrower into the air to get everyone's attention) HEY!! (all stare at her) Ah-hem! Now that I have your attention, here's what's going on! You are all my doomed prisoners! You will all be appearing in my parody of Moulin Rouge, which shall be called-(dramatic music) MOULIN VERT!  
  
Crickets chirp for a few minutes...  
  
Random Extra Person: (stands up) Wooooo!  
  
AF: (glares) Now... I will read your names off a list and one by one you will all come up and read a few lines from the script, then perform a song that the character you've chosen sings. (whips out a clipboard) OKAY!! The first victim is... (scans clipboard) ZIM!  
  
Zim is dragged screaming from the audience by Lynne, Bast, Mewgia and Shatai who magically appear to drag people up to AF. They deposit the Invader before AF and mysteriously vanish to from whence they came.  
  
AF: (reclines in her chair) Okay Zimmy. Who are you reading for?  
  
Zim: (squints at his script) The... Narcoleptic... Argentinean...  
  
AF: (falls out of her chair laughing, then recovers and attempts to reason with Zim) Okay... uh, Zim? The NA is really tall and... has a really deep voice...  
  
Zim: Then we can use special effects.  
  
AF: (decides reasoning isn't going to work) Why don't you sing "El Tango De Roxanne" for us?  
  
Zim: Ahem! Yes! (music for El Tango De Roxanne begins) Here we go! (sings in an insanely high voice)  
  
Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light  
  
Walk the streets for money  
  
You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right! (Zim stops singing as various people start laughing) What!? You all DARE to MOCK ZIMM!?  
  
AF: (covers her giggles) Zimmy, why don't you try this... (trades him song lyrics) I think it's more suited for you.  
  
Zim: (reads) Who is this... Toulouse?  
  
AF: It's a very important part that you would be great for, Zim.  
  
Zim: Ah... (gets his little "Oooo-I-just-had-an-evil-idea" look) and... does he make human females swoon and become susceptible to... things with his INCREDIBLE, beautiful male voice?  
  
People/Irkens in the audience: O_o  
  
AF: (stares) Erm... (decides she better get Zim into the part or else) Yes. He does. Go on. Sing.  
  
Zim: (clears his throat and sings)  
  
I only speak the truth  
I only speak the truth  
I only speak the truth  
I only speak the truth  
I only speak the truth... (realizes something) Hey! This is all I sing!  
  
AF: Not true! This is your only solo, Zim. You also sing in big groups with the other characters. (makes a note on her clipboard) Okay, let's run through some lines. You read for Toulouse and I'll read Christian.  
  
Zim: (in his newly designated "Toulouse Voice") How do you do? My name is Henri Marie Raymond Toulouse-Lautrec Montfa. I'm terribly sorry about all this. We were just upstairs rehearsing a play.  
  
AF: (as Christian) What? (then as Narrator Christian) A play, something very modern called "Spectacular, Spectacular."  
  
Zim: (as Toulouse) And it's set in Switzerland!  
  
AF: (as Narrator Christian) Unfortunately the unconscious Argentinean suffered from a sickness called Narcolepsy.  
  
Zim: (as Toulouse) Perfectly fine one moment then suddenly *SNORT, SNORT* unconscious the next! (breaks character) AF, must I say... "snort snort"?  
  
AF: (also breaking character) Yes. If you get the part. Thanks Zimmy! (waves him away) NEXT! (glances at her clipboard) RED!  
  
Red gets himself up on stage on his own, eyeing Lynne, Bast, Mewgia and Shatai suspiciously. He pulls out his copy of the script and studies it for a few seconds.  
  
AF: And who are you reading for, Lazer Ass?  
  
Red: (proudly) The Nap-o-letixic Argintineeyan! (pronounced how it's spelled)  
  
AF: God, do all the guys want to be him? (shakes her head) Anyway, it's not Nap-o-letixic, it's Narcoleptic! (thinks) Well, at least he's stupid enough.  
  
Red: Whatever. I'm going to sing now. (launches into "El Tango De Roxanne." We know Red has a deep voice.) Ah-hem! (spoken-or rather, yelled) JEALOUSY WILL DRIVE YOU MAD! MAD! MAD! (sings in his very deep voice, which is note perfect for this song) Roxanne! You don't have to put on that red light! Walk the streets for money! You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right. Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight. Roxanne, you don't have to sell your body to the night.  
  
AF: (claps) Perfect! I didn't think you had it in you, Lazer Ass!  
  
Red: Why wouldn't I? Everyone knows I'm the one with the beautiful male voice! (shoots Zim a superior look)  
  
AF: Right... (holds up her script copy) Now, let's see if you can act that well... Page... 56. Red, the NA doesn't have a lot of big chunks of lines... so I'll read your cue, and you take it away. (reads as Satine) The boy has a ridiculous obsession with me. I mean, I... I indulge his fantasy because he's talented. We need him... but only until tomorrow night...  
  
Red: (spoken as the NA) We have a dance in the brothels of Buenos Aires. It tells the story of a prostitute and a man... (wow, he's actually good) who falls in love... with her. First there is desire. Then passion. Then... suspicion! Jealousy, anger, betrayal! When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. Without trust there is no love. (gets an evil smile) Jealousy, yes! Jealousy, will drive you, will drive you... MAD!! (bows at the applause he's getting)  
  
AF: Wonderful! I'll be seeing you for call-backs Lazer Ass! (watches him bow a few more times, then leave the stage grinning like an idiot) Next we have... Gaz.  
  
Gaz: (stands up, not even bothering to come on stage and recites) This ending's silly. Why would the courtesan go for the penniless writer? Whoops! I mean sitar player... (looks up) I'm going to be Nini. Anyone have a problem with that?  
  
AF: Nope... (in awe of Gaz's scariness)  
  
Gaz: Good. (sits back down)  
  
AF: Ooookay... (scans her list again) GIR?  
  
GIR: (screams and runs on stage) I WANNA BE SATIE!! PIANOOOOOOO!  
  
AF: (blinks) Er... okay, GIR... You can be Satie.  
  
GIR: YAAAAY! (runs around AF before wandering back to his seat)  
  
AF: (happy) Well! This is going well! Next we have... Purple!  
  
Purple, who is extremely nervous about the whole thing, gets dragged on stage. Red laughs at him and is reprimanded by a kick in the squeedly-spooch from Jendai.  
  
AF: (smiles at him) All right, Pur. Who are you reading for?  
  
Purple: Errrm... (looks at the floor) Zidler. (glares as the sound of Red laughing hysterically is heard) Shut up! (glares out at Red)  
  
AF: (growls at the incompetence she's forced to work with) It's okay Pur. Just go ahead and sing. If Lazer Ass says anything... (pats Flamey Jr threateningly)  
  
Purple: (regains his confidence) Here I go... (music for "The Show must go On" plays as Purple starts singing. Like Red, he's surprisingly good) Another hero. Another mindless crime. Behind the curtain, in the pantomime. On and on... does anybody know what we are living for? What ever happened? We leave it all to chance. Another heartache. Another failed romance. On and on... does anybody know what we are living for? (people start clapping) The show must go on! The show must go on!  
  
AF: O.O  
  
IZ people: O.O  
  
Random Extra People: O.O  
  
Purple: (aware of the looks and is suddenly embarrassed) What? Was it bad?  
  
AF: No... no! It was awesome! (picks up the script) Here we go. Page... 21. (as Satine) Is the Duke here Harry?  
  
Purple: (as Zidler) Yes, of course.  
  
AF: (as Satine) Where is he?  
  
Purple: (as Zidler) He's the one Toulouse is shaking his hanky at.  
  
AF: (reading the action) "Satine sees Toulouse shaking the hanky at Christian, therefore thinks he is the Duke..." (As Satine) Are you sure?  
  
Purple: (as Zidler) Let me peek... (pauses) That's the one chickpea. I hope that daemonic loon hasn't frightened him off....  
  
AF: (claps) Very good Purple! (smiles at him) You'll be in the call-backs.  
  
Purple leaves the stage as AF calls the next victim. They go through Professor Membrane, who wants to be Monsieur Chocolat, and Keef (AAAAAAAAAAH!), who wants to be the Duke's servant because he thinks Zim will be the Duke. Bitters at first wants to audition for Satine, but after reading the "DOOMED" part, decides she wants the part of Marie.  
  
AF: (sighs) Dib. Get up here.  
  
Dib is dragged onstage by Lynne, Bast, Mewgia and Shatai, fighting their hold but not screaming like AF wanted him to.  
  
AF: (sounds bored) Who are you auditioning for?  
  
Dib: Christian of course!  
  
AF: (glares) You do know that if you're Christian, you have to pretend to be romantically involved with whoever plays Satine. (sighs at the confused look) You have to kiss, let yourself... uh... have things done, get naked... stuff like that.  
  
Dib: (horrified) Then... then what do you suggest?  
  
AF: (evil smile) The Duke.  
  
Dib: (stares) Okay... What do I sing?  
  
AF: (laughs evilly and turns on the CD player)  
  
Dib: (listens to the song, "Like A Virgin") AHH! NO! (meekly starts singing after AF glares at him) ...She's so fine. And she's mine. Makes me strong. Yes she makes me burn...and her love thawed off... Yes her lo-uh-uh-uh-uve thawed off what was scared and cold! (blushes fiercely)  
  
Purple: (asleep, yet still recognizing the part, sings loudly in his sleep) LIKE A VIRGIN!! (Red and Jendai fall over laughing hysterically)  
  
AF: (laughs) Good. Now. Page 72. (reads Zidler's part) My dear Duke, everything is arranged for that special supper in the Gothic Tower tonight.  
  
Dib: (as the Duke) Oh yes, eat it yourself Zidler. Her affections are waning...  
  
AF: (as Zidler) Impossible!  
  
Dib: (as the Duke) I understand how important your work is to her, but she's always at it with that damn writer. (people stare at the amazing cussing Dib) If I don't see her tonight, I'm bally well leaving!  
  
AF: (as Zidler) No, dear Duke! I'll insist Satine takes the night off.  
  
Dib: (as the Duke) All right, all right... eight o' clock then.  
  
AF: Okay. Good job. Go now. (watches Dib scurry off) Dai! You're up!  
  
Jendai: (climbs up on stage) Guess who I'm reading for.  
  
AF: (groans) The Narcoleptic Argentinean?  
  
Jendai: (laughs) Nope. (music for "Your Song" starts up. We all know that Jendai can sing well. Here he goes!) My gift is my song...  
And this one's for you  
And you can tell everybody that this is your song  
It may be quite simple but now that it's done... (crowd cheers)  
I hope you don't mind,  
I hope you don't mind...  
that I put down in words...  
How wonderful life is now you're in the world!  
  
AF: (also cheers) YAY! Page 3, Dai, if you please.  
  
Jendai: (as Narrator Christian) The Moulin Rouge . . . a nightclub, the dance hall of the bordello. Ruled over by Harold Zidler. A kingdom of nighttime pleasures. Where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. And the most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved, Satine, a courtesan. She sold her love to men. They called her the "Sparkling Diamond", and she was the star... of the Moulin Rouge. The woman I loved is... dead. (bows as the crowd goes wild)  
  
AF: (jumps up and applauds) YAY! You rock Dai! See you at call-backs!  
  
Jendai bows and leaves the stage as the last actress heads up.  
  
Tak: About time! I've been sitting there waiting for 3 hours!  
  
AF: (grumbles) Hello to you too, Tak. Let me guess, Satine? You're the only female left and I sure as hell aren't gonna play her.  
  
Tak: (smiles evilly) Yes. I will be Satine! Oh such a Satine will I be! (cackles maniacally)  
  
AF: Uh huh... What will you be singing?  
  
Tak: (kicks her own personal CD player to life) The one about diamonds of course! (she begins to sing "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" with her head down) The French are glad to die for love. They delight in fighting duels. But I prefer a man who lives... and gives expensive jewels! (crowd cheers as her head pops up) A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend! A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat... Or help you feed your (meows) pussycat! (struts across the stage, eyeing the males in the room) Men grow cold as girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end! (more wild cheering as she continues to "sexily" strut around) But square cut or pear shaped, these rocks don't lose their shapes! Diamonds are a girl's best friend! (bows)  
  
AF: (a little disturbed by Tak's show) Erm... yay! (her clapping is drowned out by the cheers of the other people) NOW-(people quiet)-let's take it away from page... 12, Tak. (as Marie) That twinkle-toes Duke has really taken the bait girl. With a patron like him, you'll be the next Sara Burnhart.  
  
Tak: (in a high, girly voice as Satine) Do you really think I could be like the great Sara?  
  
AF: (breaks character) Erm, Tak?  
  
Tak: (normal) Yes?  
  
AF: Just use your normal voice, okay? (as Marie again) Why not? You have the talent. You hook that Duke and you'll be lining up the great stages at your name.  
  
Tak: (as Satine) I'm going to be a real actress Marie, a great actress, and I'm going to fly away from here. (breaks character and reads the action) "to her bird"? I have a bird?  
  
AF: Yes. You do.  
  
Tak: Ah, okay. (as Satine) Oh yes, Birdy, we're going to fly, fly away from here!  
  
AF: (as Zidler now) Duckling, is everything all right?  
  
Tak: (breaks character) He calls her "duckling"?  
  
AF: (getting annoyed) Yes, Tak. Go on, please.  
  
Tak: (as Satine) Oh yes, of course Harold.  
  
AF: (as Zidler) Oh thank goodness. You certainly weaved your magic with that Duke on the dance floor.  
  
Tak: (as Satine) How do I look? Smoldering temptress? (breaks character yet again) What the hell is a smoldering temptress?  
  
AF: (sighs) Never mind. I'll see you at call-backs too, Tak. (stands up) And this concludes the Audition portion of this little project! Soon, if the actors/actresses ever cooperate with me, we will see the first part of this fic known as....  
  
THE MOULIN VERT!! 


	2. ACT I

(I don't own Moulin Rouge or IZ or FFN author/esses. I do own Jendai)   
  
Character Guide for ACT I:  
Toulouse: Zim (Zimlouse)  
Christian: Jendai (Jentian)  
Argentinean: Red (Redgentinean)  
Satie: GIR (GIRie)  
Audrey (bohemian writer): Mewgia-FFN authoress (Mewdrey)  
Green Fairy: JC   
  
  
ACT I- The Hills Are Alive...?  
  
Paris, Earth, in the year 1900. It's night out and the other buildings in the city are invisible except for the Eiffel Tower, a windmill, and a hotel. The camera zooms in on the large, dilapidated windmill whose windmill... things are slowly turning. A man climbs out of the top, very somber.  
  
David Bowie: (sings from atop the windmill) There was a boy... A very strange... enchanted-  
  
Zim: (pops up behind David Bowie in a sitar costume and shoves him off the windmill) Pathetic BOWIE-human! This is ZIMLOUSE'S SONG!  
  
David Bowie: (falling) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!! (splats)  
  
Zimlouse: (clears his throat calmly) Eh-hem!! (singing) There was a boy  
A very strange, enchanted boy  
(the camera zooms out to slowly pan through the village below the windmill. Various people look up at it as Zimlouse continues singing)  
They say he wandered very far, very far  
Over land and sea  
A little shy and sad of eye  
But very wise was he...  
(the camera finds the hotel again and zooms through the top window. An Irken is sitting on the floor of the room, hunched over and surrounded by liquor bottles. He looks up, showing dark circles under his eyes and tearstains)  
And then one day  
One magic day  
He passed my way  
(the Irken sits down at a typewriter, thinking and crying softly to himself)  
And while we spoke of many things  
Fools and kings  
This he said to me...  
(as Zimlouse sings, the Irken at the typewriter, whose name is Jentian, types what Zimlouse is singing)   
'The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
Is just to love...and be loved in return.'   
  
Jentian as Narrator: (he types what he narrates) The Moulin Vert . . . a nightclub, the dance hall of a bordello. Ruled over by Purple Zidler. A kingdom of nighttime pleasures... Where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. And the most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved... Takine, a courtesan. (Tak's picture flashes) She sold her love to males. They called her the "Sparkling Diamond", and she was the star... of the Moulin Vert. (pauses, wiping his eyes) The woman I loved is... dead...   
  
Jentian: (pauses for a moment to regain his composure, then begins to type at a typewriter)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: (typing what he narrates again) I first came to Paris, Earth, one year ago. It was 1899, the summer of love. I knew nothing of the Moulin Vert, Purple Zidler or Takine. The galaxy had been swept up in the Irkhemian Revolution. And I traveled from Conventia to be a part of it. On a hill near Paris was the village of Cabaretia. It was not as my father had said-   
  
Old Man: (waves his cane around in flashback mode) A village of SIN!   
  
Jentian as Narrator: (typing what he narrates again) It was the center of the Irkhemian world with musicians, painters, writers. They were known as the "Children of the Revolution." Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence. I had come to write about truth, beauty, freedom and that which I believe in above all things... LOVE.   
  
Old Man: (flashback mode again) Always this ridiculous obsession with love!   
  
Jentian as Narrator: There was only one problem - I'd never been in love! Luckily, right at that moment an unconscious Redgentinean fell through my roof. (Red falls through Jentian's roof, hanging by some sort of rope thingy) He was quickly joined by a midget dressed as a nun.   
  
Zimlouse: (stepping through the door... dressed as a nun) GREETINGS!! I am Invader Henri Marie Raymond Zimlouse-Lautrec Montfa. Deepest apologies, Sir! (salutes) We were merely upstairs rehearsing a play. An AMAZING play!   
  
Jentian: (blinks) What?   
  
Jentian as Narrator: (typing what he narrates... he does this every time he narrates) A play, something very modern called "Spectacular, Spectacular."   
  
Zimlouse: (grandly) And it's set in Skibowlia. (strikes a dramatic pose) SPECTACULAR SKIBOWLIA!   
  
Jentian as Narrator: Unfortunately the unconscious Redgentinean suffered from a sickness called narcolepsy...   
  
Zimlouse: (explaining) Perfectly fine one moment then suddenly SNORT, SNORT (snorts) unconscious the next! It is most annoying.  
  
Mewdrey: (hey! There's FFN authors here! This one's peeking through the hole in the floor) How wonderful now that narcoleptic Redgentinean is now unconscious! And therefore the scenario will not be finished in time to present to the financiers tomorrow.   
  
GIRie: (also peeking through the hole) HI MASTER!! I'm in a movie!   
  
Zimlouse: GIRie! Aren't you supposed to be working on your music?  
  
GIRie: (thinks) Yes! MUSIC NEED DOING! WHEEE!  
  
Zimlouse: (sighs) We'll just find someone less amazing to read the part.   
  
Mewdrey: (melodramatic) Oh where in heavens will we find someone to read the role of the young sensitive Skibowlian-poet-Goatherd? (hey, she's an authoress! Not exactly an actress... -.-)   
  
GIRie: Hmmm... BIG MASTER READ!! ^.^ (waves at Jentian)  
  
Jentian: What?  
  
Jentian as Narrator: Before I knew it, I was upstairs standing in for the unconscious Redgentinean.   
  
(the scene changes to the Irkhemians' room, which is at the top floor of the hotel. It has a mountain scene set up against one wall, a piano with bottles covering it against another, and a couple of beds shoved up against the other. A large window faces the windmill outside. Jentian is up on a ladder, GIRie is playing the piano, the Redgentinean is asleep on a bed, and Mewdrey is conducting GIRie. Zimlouse pops up from behind the hills, singing)   
  
Zimlouse singing: (amazingly not warping his line) The hills are animated with, the symphony of descant...   
  
GIRie: YAY! (bangs on the piano keys)   
  
Mewdrey: (covers her ears) HEY! Oh stop, stop, stop, stop that insufferable droning is drowning out my words.   
  
GIRie: (looks at Mewdrey) Can we put more piano? (bangs on the keys again)   
  
Jentian as Narrator: There seem to be artistic differences over Mewdrey's lyrics to GIRie's songs... if you could call them songs...   
  
Zimlouse: (disgustedly) I do not think a nun-beast would say such about a hill, Mewdrey-human! Perhaps he sings... eh... "THE HILLS ARE VITAL INTONING THE DESCANT!!"? (thinks) No, no, no, the hills are... umm.. eh...   
  
Redgentinean: (wakes up, sitting upright) The hills are incarnate with symphonic melodics! (eyes cross as he falls back asleep) Zzzz..   
  
Jentian: (up on his ladder) The . . . the hills . . .   
  
Zimlouse: (loudly) The HIIIIILLS are chanting . . .   
  
GIRie: The hill is BIIIIG!!  
  
Mewdrey: The hills are..  
  
GIRie: Frank is living in my foot!! ^.^  
  
Zimlouse: The hills..   
  
Jentian sings: The hiiiiiiiiiiiiiills are alive with the sound of muuuuuuusic!   
  
Everyone: (stares in amazement)  
  
Redgentinean: (wakes up) HELLO! "The hills are alive with the sound of music!" (stands up triumphantly) Yes! I love it!   
  
GIRie: HILLS!!! (giggles)   
  
Jentian sings: With songs they have sung for a thousand years!   
  
Zimlouse: (overjoyed) Incandiferous! Mewdrey-beast! You and this Jentian should write the AMAZING show together!   
  
Mewdrey: (scoffs) I beg your pardon?   
  
Jentian as Narrator: But Zimlouse's suggestion that Mewdrey and I write the show together was not what Mewdrey wanted to hear...  
  
Mewdrey: (standing outside, holding the door open) GOOD-BYE! (slams the door)  
  
Zimlouse: (ignores Mewdrey's exit and turns to Jentian with the other Irkhemians) Yes! (holds up a shot glass and drinks) To your first job in Paris, Jentian! Eh... (thinks) One question before we allow you to begin... have you ever written anything like this before?   
  
Jentian: (blushes, still up on his ladder) No . . . I haven't..  
  
Redgentinean: (approaching Jentian) Ah! The boy has talent. (slaps Jentian's inner thigh with his hand and leans against it)   
  
Jentian: O.O; (stares in disgust)  
  
Redgentinean: (proudly) I like him! (notices where his hand is) OH GOD! (pulls it off quickly, dusting it off on his pants) Nothing funny!! I just like talent!   
  
Zimlouse: (sings loudly and a bit off-key) "The hills are alive with the sound of music." (turns to GIRie excitedly) You see GIRie! With this Jentian we can write this TRULY Irkhemian Revolutionary... play! A play that we've always dreamt of!   
  
GIRie: (tips his head) What about da Pur man?   
  
Jentian as Narrator: But Zimlouse had a plan.   
  
Zimlouse: (sneakily) I have a plan! And it is an AMAZING plan... a plan SO INCREDIBLY AMAZING that none can top it! (smirks evilly)  
  
Irkhemians: (whispering to each other) Takine!  
  
Jentian as Narrator: They would dress me in the Redgentinean's best suit and pass me off as a famous English writer. Once Takine heard my modern poetry, she would be astounded and insist to this "Pur Man" that I write "Spectacular, Spectacular." The only problem was I kept hearing my father's voice in my head . . .   
  
Old Man: (waving his can in flashback mode again) You'll end up wasting your life at the Moulin Vert with a can-can dancer.   
  
Jentian: (panicky) NO! I can't write the show for the Moulin Vert! (he tries to leave)   
  
Zimlouse: (grabs him, tripping him) Why not?!   
  
Jentian: (stammers nervously from the floor) I--I don't even know if I am a true Irkhemian Revolutionary.   
  
Zimlouse: (folds his arms and narrows his eyes) Do you believe in "beauty"?   
  
Jentian: (guardedly) Yes.   
  
Redgentinean: (raises a fist in the air) FREEDOM?   
  
Jentian: (quickly, still nervous) Yes, of course.   
  
GIRie: Da truth? ^.^   
  
Jentian: Yes!   
  
Zimlouse: (squints one eye) Love?   
J  
entian: (looks at him a moment, stunned) Love? (sighs blissfully) Love! Above all things I believe in love! Love is like oxygen. (others gather close to listen in rapt attention-except for GIRie who is banging on the piano keys again) Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!   
  
Zimlouse: (laughs) See, you canNOT fool us! (folds his arms smugly) You're the voice of the Children of the REVOLUTION!! You WILL write the world's FIRST Irkhemian Revolution show!   
  
Jentian as Narrator: It was a perfect plan. I was to audition for Takine and...  
  
Irkhemians: (pass around a bottle of green liquid, pouring each other and Jentian glasses of it)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: ...I would taste my first glass of Absinthe.   
  
Jentian: Thanks... (drinks the shot-glass full of Absinthe and gasps) O.O HOLY CRAP THAT'S STRONG!  
  
JC The Green Fairy: (how many FFN authors are IN this!?) WHEEEE! (magically flies out of the Absinthe bottle in a tight, rather revealing fairy costume-which is green) HI! I'm JC! (winks)   
  
Irkhemians and Jentian: (stare)  
  
Jentian: (politely) Hello...   
  
JC: (buzzes her fairy wings over to Jentian) I'm the Green Fairy! (smirks and shakes her... "torso" flirtatiously)   
  
Zimlouse: (glowers impatiently) YES! We know who you are! Now, let us sing!  
  
JC: (pouts) No way shortie! I didn't shove my fairy ass into this stupid costume to be ordered around to sing for a bunch of men!   
  
Redgentinean: (confused) Then why did you do it? Aren't you supposed to be the one who leads the singing every night anyway?  
  
JC: (shrugs) Yeah... Well, first of all, the pay was good. Second of all, I read in the script the green fairy gets to flirt with Jentian! (to Jentian) So, how about it big boy? (shows a little-er, a lot of leg.)  
  
Jentian: (also confused) How about what?  
  
JC: How about some of that love you Irkhemians are all so fond of? (shakes her fairy booty in Jentian's face)   
  
Jentian: (stares nervously) Umm..  
  
Redgentinean: How about you sing, pipsqueak? (grabs JC and throws her out the window) Sing it Tinkerbell!  
  
JC: (pouts again) Oh fine! You all are SO impatient! (hundreds of mini-JC fairies pop up around her. They all pull out green conductor's batons) Now! One! Two! Three and four!  
  
JC and Mini-JC army: SING!!   
  
All Irkhemians and Jentian sing: "The hills are alive with the sound of music..." (they climb out onto the roof of the building and begin to dance, waving their glasses of Absinthe around) FREEDOM... BEAUTY...TRUTH AND LOVE!  
  
JC sings: The hills are alive!   
  
Irkhemians and Jentian sing: You can't fool, CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION!   
  
JC sings: With the sound of music! (scoots closer to Jentian and gives him a peck on the cheek)  
  
Mini-JC army and Irkhemians sing: Children of the revolution! Beauty! Freedom! Truth and Love!  
  
Jentian sings: THE HILLS ARE ALIVE! (waves his glass too enthusiastically and swats JC out of the air)  
  
JC and Mini-JC army: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! (they disappear)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: Minus one annoying fairy and her army, we were off to the Moulin Vert, and I was to perform my poetry for Takine...  
  
(Act II to come soon! Well? Wha'd you think? Interesting enough for you? As you can see, FFN authors are going to make appearances in this fic as minor characters... basically, I'm asking for volunteers. The only thing I need to know is, if you're male or female. PLEASE!? I'm begging yooooou!! Reviews are nice too!) 


	3. ACT IISparkling Diamonds

ACT II- The Sparkling Diamonds  
  
(Pan from the Irkhemian hotel towards a large building with a windmill in front. A sign is hung over the front doors that reads, "Moulin Vert" in freshly painted, green letters. The windmill blades turn slowly and are covered in green and white Christmas lights. The same symbol that is on the front of the Tallests' ship is painted on the front of the windmill-also green. The camera flies over the entire building and we see an open courtyard with a large, green monkey statue. There is a path winding through the courtyard that leads to a huge dance hall.)   
  
Purple Zidler's Voice: THE MOULIN VERT!   
  
Jentian as Narrator: Purple Zidler and his supposedly infamous females. They called them his "Diamond Dogs." The exact reason why they were called this is a mystery... I just know that was what he called them...   
  
(We see Jentian and the Irkhemians enter the Moulin Vert amongst a large crowd of mixed aliens and humans. All are male. Zoom through the front doors, through the courtyard and into the dance hall. It's wildly decorated in greens and golds with machines that spew purple smoke everywhere. There is a stage up high for the musicians to play, a big dance floor in the center, and little alcoves all along the walls where gentlemen can sit. Girls, both human and non, are everywhere, most on the dance floor in exotic costumes)  
  
SONG - SMELLS LIKE MARMALADE   
Girls sing: Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir? Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister. Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister.   
  
(Zoom up to the stage where the musicians play. Purple Zidler is standing there, directing them and being all important)  
  
Purple Zidler sings: When work's an awful bore and living's just a chore but death is not much fun. I've got the antidote. And though I mustn't gloat. At the Moulin Vert... You'll have fun! So scratch that little niggle, Have a little wiggle! 'Cause you can, can, can!   
  
Crowd chants: Yes, you can, can, can!   
  
Girls sing: Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir? (advance on the males that have just walked through the doors)   
  
Purple Zidler sings: But you can't, can't, can't! (girls back up from the males)   
  
Crowd chants: Yes, you can, can, can!   
  
Girls sing: Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir? (advance again)   
  
Purple Zidler sings: But you can, can, can!   
  
(more men enter in a large crowd, all are wearing tuxes and top hats, they all walk in the same rhythm. The Irkhemians and Jentian are among them, and the camera does a brief close-up of them)  
  
Males sing: Here we are now, entertain us! We feel stupid and contagious.   
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) ZIM?? Stupid!? Who wrote this song of liiiiiies!?  
  
(zoom backwards, to the front door of the dance hall. Purple Zidler is suddenly there, letting males go through the doors)  
  
Purple Zidler sings: Got some dark desire? Love to play with fire? (AF, in a bright red costume waves her flamethrower behind him as he says this) Why not let it rip? Live a little bit! 'Cause you can, can, can!   
  
Crowd chants: Yes, you can, can, can! (girls advance)  
  
Males sing: Here we are now, entertain us!  
  
(zoom back into the dance hall, Purple Zidler is in front of the girls now, walking forward and backwards with them)   
  
Purple Zidler sings: But you can't can't, can't! (they back up)   
  
Girls sing: Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir?   
  
Crowd chants: Yes, you can, can, can! (they walk forward)   
Males sing: If you're stupid and contagious. (they are now mingling with the rest of the Crowd)   
  
(zoom out to the street. Purple Zidler is there with an umbrella in the rain as horses and buggies and voot cruisers pass him by)  
  
Purple Zidler sings: Outside it may be raining, (cut to the dance hall... Purple Zidler is there again) but in here it's entertaining! Cause you can, can, can! Cause you can, can, can!   
  
Males sing: Here we are now, entertain us!   
  
Purple Zidler sings: (is once again on top of the musicians' platform) Outside things may be tragic, But in here we think it's magic!   
  
Crowd sings: Here we are now, entertain us!   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) SILENCE!!  
  
(the entire place goes dead silent)  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) Thank you! My antennae were aching from all that hideous singing! Let's see... (bends down to examine a box) What dance shall we do...? (he frowns) How do I work this thing again...? Oh, right... here we go... (he turns a spinny device and the box spins)  
  
(pan through the crowd. We can now see who some of the girls are.)  
  
Bast: (in her blue costume, to AF on her left) I hope to god it's not the can-can...  
  
AF: It's ALWAYS the can-can!   
  
Aqua: (turns to them, as they are behind her-she is wearing an aqua costume) How are we supposed to can-can in corsets anyway?!?  
  
Bast: Really carefully...  
  
(whip-pan back to the musician's platform. The box slowly stops spinning)  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) Not again... (whispers) The Can-can!   
  
(all the girls groan and hurriedly move into one big cluster at one end of the dance floor, forming into neat lines. There is a long pause. Then the musicians burst into the song and the girls start can-caning wildly, skirts flying... and.. stuff. The males stay out of the way as best they can, but still try and stay close to the girls.)  
  
Crowd sings: Because we can, can, can  
Because we can can can can can can can can can  
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here  
Mocha Chocolata ya ya   
Creole Lady Marmalade   
  
(we zoom in on Jentian who is attempting to dance with the can-caning Bast)  
  
Jentian sings: Cause it's good for your mind-(he screams) OW!!! (falls to the ground)  
  
Bast: (spoken, stops can-caning abruptly) Ohmygod! I'm sorry!! I kicked you didn't I!?  
  
Jentian: (spoken while on the floor twitching) What was your first clue...?   
  
(zoom back out to include the rest of the crowd. Some of the poorer can-can dancers have kicked their "dance partners" as well, and a lot of males are lying twitching. Not to say Bast is a bad can-can dancer!)  
  
Crowd chants: Because we can, can, can   
Because we can can can can can can can can can   
  
END OF SONG   
  
(zoom over to one of the wall alcoves, we see it has a table and seats all around it.   
Jentian and Zimlouse sit on the ends, GIRie next to Zimlouse and the Redgentinean beside Jentian)  
  
Jentian: For the last time you... Redgentinean! I am NOT dancing with you!  
  
Redgentinean: I never asked you to! That was GIRie!  
  
GIRie: (dances on the table) I'm gonna dance like a can-can GIRL!!  
  
Zimlouse: (smacks his hand on the table) GIRie! Get off that table at once! You are spilling the drinks!  
  
GIRie: Aww... okay Master! I hug yoooou! (jumps off the table and hugs Zim around the waist)  
  
Zimlouse: (pries GIRie off him) Go dance or something!! (to the others) Our grand mission of evading DOOM is accomplished. Using MY brilliant plan we have-  
  
Redgentinean: I thought it was all our idea, ZIMlouse...   
  
Zimlouse: (looking for a way out) Eh.. erm... um-(catches sight of someone descending on a trapeze from the ceiling into a large crowd of males)-It's her! The "Sparkling Diamond!   
  
SONG - SPARKLING DIAMONDS   
  
(cut to a close up of Takine's face. She is wearing a top hat to hide her face, thin fishnet leggings, black high-heels, and a weird black bodysuit that cuts off at hips and upper torso. All in all, this outfit is revealing and perfect for the Moulin Vert. The only part of her face we can see is from her lips down)  
  
Takine sings: The French are glad to die for love. They delight in fighting duels.   
  
Jentian as Narrator: (spoken, as the camera slowly pans from Takine over to another, dark alcove) But someone else was to meet Satine that night. Someone truly evil... someone so dark and mysterious... someone who was...  
  
Takine sings: (close up of her lips) But I prefer a man who lives . . .   
  
Jentian as Narrator: (spoken, camera panning back towards the dark alcove. Two figures become visible inside, silhouetted.) Zidler's investor...   
  
Takine sings: (close up of her lips) And gives expensive jewels.   
  
Jentian as Narrator: (spoken as the camera abruptly cuts to the interior of the alcove. We can see the two figures now. One is Purple Zidler, the other is the Dib-Duke. Close up on the Dib-Duke) The horrifying-okay, not really horrifying, but still spooky and very large-headed-Dib-Duke.   
  
Takine sings: (swings over the crowd on her trapeze)   
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental   
but diamonds are a girl's best friend   
(drops down onto a stage in front of the crowd and dances around in mock enthusiasm)  
A kiss may be grand  
but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat...   
Or help you feed your... (meows) pussycat!   
Men grow cold as girls grow old,   
and we all lose our charms in the end  
(walks off the stage and falls) OW!! (spoken) YOU MORONIC INGRATES!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CATCH ME!! How can you be any more BRAINLESS! Get me off this FILTHY floor!! (she regains her composure and sings again as the males pick her up and she crowd-surfs on them)   
But square cut or pear shaped,   
these rocks don't lose their shapes  
Diamonds are a girl's best friend!   
(the males toss her in the air) Tiffany's!   
(she lands back on them)  
  
(cut back to the alcove)  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken, watching Takine) Soo... when do I... you know.. meet her?   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken, sipping some absinthe) Well, it took some doing. Mademoiselle Takine's a real pain if she doesn't get her snacks in the morning, so I had Professor Chocolat go and make her some super toast-  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken, rolls his eyes) Just tell me if I get to meet her or not!   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken, irritated) AS I WAS SAYING! (clears his throat) Anyway, after her number and some more super toast, I've arranged a special meeting with you and Mademoiselle Takine . . .   
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken) Alone?  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken with an evil smile-or as evil a smile as he's capable of) How's TOTALLY ALONE work for you?   
  
(cut to Takine's number)  
  
Takine: (is tossed) CARTIER! (is caught)  
  
(cut back to the Irkhemians' alcove)  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken, to Jentian) You may thank my amazing skills of sneaky... ness, Jentian... (grins evilly)   
  
Jentian: (spoken with an odd look at Zimlouse) Why don't I trust that smile...?  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken indignantly) You should! I am doing you such a great favor that your brain of writing... stuff, cannot comprehend its astonishing-ness in time to repay me!  
  
Jentian: (spoken with a groan) I hate to ask but... what did you do now, Zimlouse...?   
  
Zimlouse: (spoken, folding his arms) After that female's song number, I have arranged a private meeting with only you and Mademoiselle Takine. I am so amazing, no?  
  
GIRie: AMAZING MAZTUR!!   
  
Redgentinean: (spoken) You were supposed to do that for me, you stupid midget!!   
  
Jentian: (spoken) Alone? Me and her...? Alone? (swallows nervously)   
  
(split-screen to show both Purple Zidler and Zimlouse at the same time)  
  
Zimlouse and Purple Zidler: (spoken) TOTALLY alone.   
  
(cut back to Takine's song/dance. She's somehow landed amongst a bunch of girls)  
  
Takine, Kami, and Diartemis sing: Cause we are living in a material world,   
and I am a material girl! (blow kisses to the guys)  
  
(Takine is yanked back up onto the stage by the males, some of which grab Bast and Remliss to dance with)  
  
Takine sings: (back onstage) Black star, Rozz call,   
talk to me Purry Zidler, tell me all about it!   
(Purple Zidler appears onstage behind her and they have a little duet)  
There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer!   
  
Purple Zidler sings: But diamonds are a girl's best friend   
  
Takine sings: There may come a time when a hot-boiled employer think's you're-   
  
Purple Zidler sings: --Awful nice! (puts an arm around her)  
  
Takine: OH!! YOU! (smacks his arm away, then sings)   
But get that eye sore, else no dice!  
  
(cut back to the alcoves. Sometime during this song, GIRie got away from Zimlouse and spilt the Dib-Duke's drink on him, then ran away to dance like all the can-can dancers)   
  
Zimlouse: (spoken, waving his hands at the other Irkhemians) Don't worry, don't worry, the mighty ZIM will get this mess cleaned up..   
  
Redgentinean: (spoken) You better! That human's getting mad...  
  
Zimlouse: (scurries off to clean GIRie's mess up)  
  
(cut back to the stage where Purple Zidler pretends to tease Takine with a diamond necklace)  
  
Takine: (spoken as she tries to jump and grab the necklace) Is the Dib-Duke here YET, my Tallest?? He better not keep me waiting!   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken, holding the necklace above her) Yeah, he's here. Never SEEN a human that nervous about anything...  
  
(cut back to the alcove. The Redgentinean and Jentian are standing nervously, watching Zimlouse)   
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) Would you hold STILL you miserable little human!? At least I am ATTEMPTING to dry your drink from your idiotic coat!   
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken, shoving at Zimlouse) GET OFF me, you rotten little alien!  
  
(cut back to the stage)  
  
Takine: (spoken) Where is he?  
  
(Purple Zidler looks over Takine's head to scout out the Dib-Duke. Cut to the alcove. We see Zimlouse now shaking the hanky at the Dib-Duke, angry that the Dib-Duke is pushing him. The Dib-Duke pushes him away more, yelling at him. Cut back to the stage.)   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken with an eye roll) The wet one Zimlouse is shaking that hanky at.   
  
(Cut back to the alcove. Zimlouse goes to Jentian to get another hanky, as his was torn up by the Dib-Duke, who now glares at Zimlouse with a smug expression)  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken as he pulls Jentian's handkerchief out of his pocket) I'm taking your napkin thing, Jentian! That INFERNAL HUUUman shredded mine.  
  
Girls singing in the background: Diamonds are a girl's best,   
diamonds are a girl's best,   
diamonds are a girl's best friend...   
  
(cut back to the stage. Takine turns around Purple Zidler to see. Cut to the alcove. Zimlouse is now shaking Jentian's handkerchief at Jentian, which misleads Takine into thinking Jentian is the Dib-Duke. Cut back to the stage)  
  
Takine: (spoken in confusion) Him? You're sure? Are you wearing your glasses?   
  
(cut to the alcoves again. Zimlouse ventures back to the Dib-Duke and is now, instead of trying to dry him off, is ranting at him, while the Dib-Duke yells back. Zimlouse shakes his iron fist at the Dib-Duke, thus waving the handkerchief at HIM now.)  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) I don't WEAR glasses... Let me see...   
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) You sniveling DISGUSTING HUUUMan! I don't even see why I BOTHERED to try HELP DRY your sickening SELF off!!  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken) Oh go drink yourself to death, you stupid alien or Irkhemian or whatever you call yourself!  
  
(cut back to the stage)   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken with an eye roll) That's the one... (mumbled) I hope that stupid midget hasn't frightened him off....   
  
Takine: (spoken) He will EVENTUALLY! Idiotic short thing! I don't see why he hangs around here anyway-GIVE ME THAT NECKLACE!! I need it!  
  
(cut back to alcoves)  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) Clean yourself off you little worm-pig-weasel-pig!! (throws the handkerchief at the Dib-Duke) And I hope your IDIOTIC tuxedo RIPS!  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken indignantly) You rotten alien! (turns around) Hey! Bodyguard! Get out here! Someone's threatening me!  
  
Keef: (pops up behind the Dib-Duke, cheery as always) I'll take them to the circus for you, Dib!  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken-er, screamed as he spots Keef) SWEET JUMPING CHILI BEANS!!   
  
(backs up quickly)  
  
Keef: (spoken) Hiya Zimlouse!   
  
Zimlouse: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (flees back to his table and hides behind the Redgentinean)   
  
Redgentinean: (spoken) I told you that would happen if you bugged him.. (acting all superior)  
  
(cut back to the stage)  
  
Takine: (spoken) Will he invest?   
  
(a bunch of can-can girls circle the two and hold up their skirts so Takine can change her costume without anyone seeing-this is part of the act)  
  
Takine: (spoken, notices Purple Zidler's in the skirt shield with her) GAAH! GET OUT OF HERE!! What are you doing in here!? I'M CHANGING!!  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken while turning around so his back is to her) What makes you think I WANT to look!? Geez! You have a sick mind, Takine.  
  
Takine: (spoken, while changing) What do you expect!? Look at where I WORK for god's sake!!! (regains her composure) Is that human going to invest or not? I don't want to waste my time with him if he isn't.  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken, his back still to her) Pigeon, after spending the night with you, how can he refuse? Humans LOVE this sort of thing! Think of it as a bribe.  
  
Takine: (spoken, stopping changing to stare at his back) Did you just call me a dirty disgusting EARTH bird? What's wrong with you!? Brain worms!!?  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken with a shrug) Relax. It's a pet name. I'm the owner. I can do those things! (pauses) By the way, Takine... His favorite type of... female, I'd guess would be a smoldering temptress.   
  
Takine: (spoken, pausing again) A what?  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) It's kind of like what the humans call a dominatrix... I think-How the hell should I know??? I just run this place! You girls do all that... tempressing... stuff!  
  
Takine: (spoken, changing again) I'll figure something out! You go sing or play with your smoke or something...  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken after a pause) This place is relying on you Takine... If it pays off enough, you'll be--   
  
Takine: (spoken, interrupting him) An Invader, yeah, yeah I know. Although, how me being all tempressy to a Dib-Duke makes me an Invader, I fail to see.   
  
(the two pop out from behind the skirts, Takine all dressed and stuff. The crowd picks her up and she points towards the Irkhemians' alcove. The crowd surfs her over to them.)   
  
Takine sings: Cause that's when those louses go back to their spouses!!   
  
(the crowd dumps her in front of the Irkhemian alcove)  
  
Takine sings: (runs up to Jentian and bats her eyes flirtatiously-but is doing a lousy job acting like she likes him) Diamonds are a girl's best friend!   
  
END OF SONG   
  
Takine: (purrs unconvincingly) I believe you were expecting me.   
  
Jentian: (surprised) Yes...   
  
Takine: (turns to the crowd) I'm afraid it's ladies choice, you sniveling males.   
  
Jentian: (lost) What the...?  
  
Crowd: (disappointed noises)  
  
Zimlouse: (grabs Takine and turns her to face him) YOU! Meet my.. eh.. meet Jentian!   
  
(points in Jentian's random direction)   
  
Takine: (shoves Zimlouse off) NEVER touch me, you disGUSTING little WORM!! (calms herself and pulls Jentian to the dance floor as The Rhythm of the Night starts to play) Let's dance!   
  
Jentian: (is dragged) GAH! Okay... (nervous)  
  
Zimlouse: (stares after them) Incredible! That actually seemed to go well...  
  
Redgentinean: He has a gift with the women! (nods proudly) You have to have one yourself to recognize it!   
  
Purple Zidler: (watching from the orchestra platform again) ...That Dib-Duke can actually dance... I didn't think humans were functional on their feet... and how'd he get so tall...?   
  
Takine: (dancing with Jentian and pretending she's having the time of her life) It is very generous of you, sir, to be interested in this show.   
  
Jentian: (dancing, doing a lousy job dancing) It sounds pretty exciting... with lazers and smoke and all... I'd like being involved... I think.   
  
Takine: (skeptical) Really...?   
  
Jentian: (nervous) Well... um.. that is.. assuming... you like my work... (blushes-he's talking about writing)   
  
Takine: (unconvincing purr) Eh... I'm sure I will... (she's talking about... doing the courtesan thing)   
  
Jentian: (trips over his own foot) OOF! . (gets more graceful... kinda) Zimlouse said we'd.. be able to have privacy... (-writing)  
  
Takine: (blinks) He did? (-courtesan thing)   
  
Jentian: Yes, you know, a private... (trips yet again) . poetry reading.   
  
Takine: Poetry reading? Is that what they call it now?  
  
Jentian: Huh?   
  
Takine: Oh! Erm. Nothing! Uh, sure! Poetry reading! Sounds.... Eh... delightful.   
  
Jentian: Oh good! So, when do we start-  
  
Takine: (cutting him off) Hold onto your hat!!   
  
Jentian: I'm not wearing a hat...  
  
(as one, all the males' top hats fly into the air. While they're in the air, Takine somehow manages to get up on her trapeze again. Cut to a close up of Takine)   
  
Takine sings: (as the trapeze is raised) Square cut or pear shaped  
These rocks don't lose   
Their shape  
Diamonds...   
Diamonds...   
Are a girls best... (she stops, gasping dramatically for air, then faints and falls down towards the crowd)  
  
Crowd: (falls dead silent)  
  
Prof. Chocolate: (wandering around below) Let's see... where did I put that new formula...? I could have sworn I-(Takine falls on him)-What on Earth!?   
  
Purple Zildler: (calling down from the platform) Oh thank IRK! You caught her! I'm not going to be sued!  
  
Prof. Chocolate: Oh.. yes. I did, didn't I? So... where do you want her?  
  
Purple Zidler: (calling) Backstage.  
  
Prof. Chocolate: All right! Come Mademoiselle! To bed with you! Perhaps you'd like to hear my latest calculations on my newest theory... (voice fades as he walks off)  
  
Random Crowd Human: HEY! Wha'd you do? I paid good moneys to see her and you shove her off a trapeze!  
  
Random Crowd Alien: Yeah! Wha'd you do?? Huh?! HUH!?   
  
Random Crowd Alien #2: Give me my moneys back!  
  
Random Crowd Human: YEAH! MONEYS! WHOO!  
  
Purple Zidler: (frantic) Hey! Be quiet all of you! Um... that was part of the act! Yeah! That's it! She was supposed to disappear but I guess CERTAIN REDGENTINEANS have been messing with the smoke effects and-  
  
Redgentinean: (yelling from the crowd) I DIDN'T TOUCH YOUR STUPID SMOKE!  
  
Purple Zidler: (continuing)-AND they didn't go off, but ANYWAY! Let's have some clapping for Mademoiselle Takine!   
  
Crowd: YEAH! WHOOOOO!! SHAKE IT IRKEN CHICK! (etc.)  
  
(cut to a pillar where two dancing girls are lounging)   
  
Gazi: (in her purple costume, all... Gaz-ish) Looks like the Dib-Duke isn't going to be getting what he paid for after all... stupid Dib.   
  
AnimeGirl: Don't be so mean Gazi...  
  
Gazi: Grrr... Be quiet. Otherwise you might have an accident next time we do the can-can...  
  
AnimeGirl: (shuts up)   
  
Purple Zidler: (looks around frantically while muttering to himself) Oh GODS! What could have happened?? Why isn't anyone out here TELLING me anything? What am I supposed to do if she died or something? I could have the Courtesan Union on my green arse...!  
  
Shatai the Bartender: (calling up from the floor below Purple Zidler) Hey! Hey! Hey, down here!  
  
Purple Zidler: (looks down) What? Oh! Hey, what happened!?  
  
Shatai the Bartender: How should I know?! Bitterie's taking care of her!   
  
Purple Zidler: (whispering) Well what am I supposed to do then!? This crowd's about to go xenocidal!  
  
Shatai: (thinks) Uh... tell them she ran away because they stink!  
  
Purple Zidler: (whispered) WHAT!? How does that help? Oh... fine.. Not like I have a better idea... (calls to the crowd) You scared her off! She'll be back though! Hey! Look around you though! There's a hundred Moulin Vert dancers out there who'd love to dance! Take them for a spin while we wait for her!   
  
(The music starts up again as the camera cuts to Takine's dressing room. There are several can-can dancers in there, huddled at the door to reassure themselves that Takine isn't dying. Bitterie stands over Takine's couch, where Takine is lying, seemingly unconscious)  
  
Bitterie: (turns to the girls) Away with you! Before you catch a horrible disease and become ugly. Then no man will pay to see you.   
  
Galadriel Weasley: But... but we just want to make sure-  
  
Aqua: (cutting her off and stepping in front of her) That Takine isn't dead or anything, but we can see she's alive because she's staring at us so... BYE! (turns to run off but runs into one of the other girls)  
  
Zam: (waves to Takine, despite the fact that Aqua ran into her) Hi Takine! Are you all right?   
  
Takine: (groggy) Ugh... what happened...? (sits up)  
  
Bitterie: (looming over Takine) You fainted. And almost fell to your doom on the dance floor. I think you have a horrifying disease.  
  
Takine: (laughs) Oh you silly human! That's impossible! It was probably just these idiotic costumes those males like so well! They get tight, you know.  
  
Shatai the Bartender: (walks past the girls and starts shooing them out) All right, all right... out you go! Go on! If the guys don't dance, they don't get thirsty and if they don't get thirsty I don't make moneys and if I don't make moneys-  
  
Bittrie: (cutting him off)-you'll be dooooooooomed...   
  
Shatai the Bartender: Erm.. Yeah... hey, what's going on in here?   
  
Bittrie: (gestures to Takine) She's sick... and therefore doomed by a terrifying disease which will one day cause her to meet her inevitable death far too soon.  
  
Shatai the Bartender: .........Oookay...   
  
Takine: Eh-hehe.. Basically, you don't need to worry!   
  
Shatai the Bartender: Oh, all right! You better get ready for that Duke-person. (heads off)  
  
Takine: OH IRK! (starts coughing violently)  
  
Bittrie: Germs! (waves a tissue in her face) Before Zidler panics and falls off that platform onto his head!  
  
Takine: (takes the tissue and coughs into it for a few moments) Ugh... (shakes her head) Much better! (she drops the tissue and heads off to change clothes)   
  
Bittrie: (examines dropped tissue, there are obvious bloodstains on it) Hmmmmmmmmmm... I was right... (slithers off)   
  
(cut to Dib-Duke's alcove, where we find the large-headed member of the nobility in conversation with Keef)  
  
Dib the Duke: Okay. The number's over. Now, what I need you to do is find Zimlouse and take a few pictures of-  
  
Keef: (confused) But I thought you were here to see that Takine person...  
  
Dib the Duke: Uhh... right. I forgot. (glances around) I'll find her myself. You just... go get those pictures of Zimlouse. Preferably without his hat on.  
  
Keef: Okay! Zim'll be so happy to have his portrait taken! He might even give me a hug!  
  
Dib the Duke: Uh huh... you... do that... (heads off to find the entrance to the Monkey)  
  
Keef: Where are you Zimlouse!? (runs off the other way)   
  
(cut back to Takine's dressing room. She is standing before a large mirror while Bittrie looks on and Can-Can girl Lynne helps Takine with her "temptressing" dress)   
  
Bittrie: (looming in a dark corner) That duke liked you.   
  
Lynne: (tying Takine's corset) Yeah, if he keeps liking you, you'll be out of this hellhole...   
  
Takine: (looking in the mirror) Yes, yes. I shall be the greatest! Invader, though, not courtesany... person.  
  
Lynne: (rolls her eyes) Yes, invading and blowing stuff up is SO much better than your current occupation...   
  
Bittrie: (hisses faintly) Yes. It is. Dooming things is better than... whatever it is you do here.   
  
Takine: (haughty) Of course it is! I will conquer everything! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (stops laughing as more coughing fits threaten) Heh.  
  
(cut to behind the trio. We can now see the door, but their backs as well)   
  
Purple Zidler: (bursting through the door, looking panicked, as usual) Takine! Are you okay!? Are you dying!? Did you break your neck!? DO YOU HAVE A TUMOR!?  
  
Takine: (turns to face him) I'm fine!   
  
Purple Zidler: (looks extremely relieved) OH THANK IRK! (sinks into a chair)  
  
Lynne: Oh calm down... (fans him with a pillow) Don't have a coronary on us.   
  
Purple Zidler: Thank you Lynne... (relaxing as we speak) Ahh... That went pretty good!   
  
Takine: Of COURSE it did! I TOLD you I knew how to do my job!   
  
Purple Zidler: It's not the dancing I'm concerned about... he's our biggest patron and you have a slight tendency not to... how do I put this...?   
  
Lynne: (helpfully) Be what people expect?  
  
Purple Zidler: Yeah! That! The last guy you took to the Monkey ran out screaming in fear for his squeedly-spooch.   
  
Takine: (indignant) HMMPF! He STANK! What was I SUPPOSED to do!?  
  
Purple Zidler: Not do... what you did?   
  
Takine: FINE! (pouts, folding her arms and leaning against the mirror) Well!? You never said how I looked!  
  
Purple Zidler: You look... ehh... (studies her) Like a tempressy person!   
  
Takine: All right! (raises a claw into the air) TO THE MONKEY!!  
  
(at this, the screen blacks out, fading back in to what appears to be a backstage area, people are half in costume, running around, practicing last-minute lines, fixing make-up, etc. The set for Moulin Vert can be seen between breaks in the curtain)  
  
Bast: (running up to AF) AF! AAAAAAAAF!!   
  
AF: (pinning her corset back up) Hm?   
  
Bast: You can't let her go through with this!  
  
AF: (looks up) Wha? (confused)  
  
Bast: TAK! I refuse to allow her to do the Monkey scene with MY DAI!  
  
Jendai: (pokes his head out of a dressing room) Someone call me?   
  
AF: No Dai! Get your make-up fixed!  
  
Bast: DAI! Wait! (rushes over to him) You can't do the next scene with Tak! Please! (hugs him around the waist)  
  
Jendai: Um... (hugs her back reassuringly) I have to... Bast, it's just acting... I...  
  
Bast: Fine! If you're convinced you HAVE to do that stupid scene with TAK, I'll make SURE you CAN'T! (runs off, cackling evilly)  
  
AF: (nervously) Suddenly... I fear for Tak's life... or... at least her singing ability...  
  
Jendai: Me... too... (ducks back into his dressing room)  
  
Zim: [offscreen] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! BAST DO NOT HURT ZIM!! IAMNOTTHEONEYOUWAAAAAAAAANT!  
  
Purple: [os] MOTHER OF IRK!   
  
Red: [os] HEY! That's MY lazer!  
  
Tak: [os] AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--...  
  
(there are loud crashy, bangy sounds, followed by screamy noises. After a moment, Bast comes back, her can-can costume switched for the one Takine wears in the next scene)  
  
Bast: (all smug) How do I look? Smoldering tempress?  
  
AF: ............ (hastily) Well um, then.. ONWITHTHESHOW! 


	4. ACT III Spectacular Amazingness

ACT III- Spectacular.. Amazingness.  
  
(We come back to the Moulin Vert, zooming over the courtyard. As we near the Green Monkey Statue, we see the Irkhemians heading towards it. We fly over them, hearing their lines as we go)  
  
Zimlouse: [off screen] This is disgusting! Straight to the Monkey! Don't these people have any concept of knowing one another first!?  
  
Redgentinean: [os] Oh, believe me, squirt, once they come out of there.. They'll know each other fine.  
  
GIRie: [os] I bet they're havin' CUPcakes!  
  
(We continue up to the head of the monkey, which has a balcony in it and a little gazebo on its head. We fly through the balcony, right up to Jentian's face. He's still in his tuxedo, crumpling his top hat in his hands and looking extremely nervous)  
  
Jentian: Oh Irk, Oh Irk. what do I do.? Come on Jentian. THINK! Come up with SOMETHING for this Takine person.. (He obviously is not aware of the casting change) Um.. let's see. maybe something about her eyes. No. How about the sky.? (starts pacing as the door opens)  
  
Bastine: (standing in the doorway, in a rather tempressy costume, stolen from its previous owner.) Nice place to read poetry.? Don't you think? (she smiles)  
  
Jentian: (his eyes get very, very big) B. B. (recovers) Eh, yes! Of course mademoiselle... (he still looks horribly nervous)  
  
Bastine: (moves over to a table with fruit and champagne) Would you. care for some food? Or perhaps a little. Strawberry Champagne? Hmm?  
  
Jentian: (REALLY nervous) Um.. um. I'd. uh. rather. um. just. get it done. please? I. have a lot of work to get back to and um.  
  
Bastine: (startled, half-drops the champagne back into the ice bucket) Oh... (regains her composure) Okay then.. Shall we. (gestures to the bed. which is green with glittery things all over it)  
  
Jentian: (startled himself) Um. actually, I usually do it. standing up. It's easier for me that way.  
  
Bastine: (surprised yet again) ....Oh. (approaches him)  
  
Jentian: (scared) No no! Wait, um!! You don't have to stand up! I mean, sometimes I really get into it and it goes on for a really long time! I get too wrapped up in work you see. People say I wouldn't notice if the world exploded--  
  
Bastine: (interrupts him) Uh huh. Let's. stop wasting time.  
  
Jentian: (blushes bright green and turns away from him) Eh. just a second. (thinks for a while) Um. er. um. the. the sky. yeah! The sky! . Sky is. er. (turns back) ....What are you doing?  
  
(cut to the outside of the Monkey. We can see the silhouettes of the Irkhemians climbing up the monkey)  
  
GIRie: HE. (takes a step) HE. (takes another) HE!  
  
Redgentinean: ZIM! Shut that thing up!  
  
Zim: GIR! BE QUIET! Do you want to alert them to our presence and risk the Redgentinean's displeasure!?  
  
GIRie: ...I have no idea!  
  
Zim: Be quiet anyway!  
  
(cut back to the interior of the Monkey. Bastine is rolling around on the bed, making odd noises while Jentian looks at her like she's gone crazy)  
  
Bastine: POOK! (rolls around, trying to draw attention to herself)  
  
Jentian: ....BLUE! (trying not to be disturbed by Bastine) Yeah. the sky. the sky is. blue.. and it.. um. (blows a couple raspberries)  
  
Bastine: Hey! Watch it!  
  
Jentian: Er. sorry.  
  
Bastine: Uh huh.. (starts rolling again) Pook! Pook pook! (She wants attention)  
  
Jentian: (frustrated) Could you stop?! You're really making me nervous! I. (blinks) Irk, I think I'm shaking.  
  
Bastine: (sits up) Are you all right? Most. people aren't this nervous.  
  
Jentian: (blushes) Well. um.. I've never really. done this before. my work is pretty private.  
  
Bastine: Ohhhh... (lost)  
  
Jentian: (continuing) And. um. well. I guess I need to get inspired before I can really do anything.. You know? Most of us are like that.  
  
Bastine: (approaches him) Ohhh. yes, I see. Let me help. (throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. hard, and runs her hands over his chest before breaking the kiss) Does that INSPIRE you.?  
  
Jentian: (can only stammer) Geh. geh. geh...  
  
Bastine: (drags him over to the bed and tackles him) Let's go!  
  
Jentian: GO!? GO WHERE!? (panicking, struggles)  
  
Bastine: (evil smile) Aw, come on! That's what you came here for, right?!  
  
Jentian: (one brief moment of sanity) Er, actually I thought I was coming up here to--  
  
Bastine: Oh come on! Let's have some fun! (starts undoing the buttons on his white tux shirt)  
  
Jentian: ACK!! (panicking again, tries to push her hands away)  
  
Bastine: (purrs, swishing her tail) Oooo. You're built!  
  
(We can see the Irkhemians peeking in a window behind them)  
  
Zimlouse: (stares) WHAT ON IRK IS SHE--  
  
Redgentinean: (staring too) Don't ask Zim.. Just watch and learn.  
  
Zimlouse: NO!! You watch this disgusting display if you want, but I am going to go see to the DOOM of that infernal dook! (scrambles down off the Monkey)  
  
(cut back to the interior)  
  
Bastine: (sitting on Jentian) Now. Give me the poetry. (purrs evilly)  
  
Jentian: Gah! All right! (scrambles away from her) Um. um. Oh! I know! (clears his throat) It's.. it's a little bit funny. this feeling. um.. inside! Yeah! I'm not one of those. eh. who. who can. erm.. easily hide!  
  
Bastine: (stares)  
  
Jentian: (improvising) I--I don't have many moneys, but.. Erm. Irk if I did. eehh. I'd buy a big house! Yeah! Where. um. we. we both could live!  
  
Bastine: (it dawns on her) Ohhhhhhh. (starts rolling on the floor, laughing)  
  
Jentian: (Doesn't understand her) Um. er. If I were a sculptor!!.. but. then again no.. Or a guy who makes potions for a circus. show!!  
  
Bastine: (keeps laughing)  
  
Jentian: I know it's not much...  
  
Bastine: OH IRK!! (laughing insanely)  
  
Jentian: But it's the best I can do!! (getting annoyed, turns away from her)  
  
Bastine: (laughs harder)  
  
SONG - YOUR SONG  
  
Jentian sings: (tries a different tactic) My gift is my song!!  
  
Bastine: (stops laughing and stares at him in rapt attention)  
  
Jentian sings: (turns back to her) And this one's for you  
  
And you can tell everybody that this is your song  
  
It may be quite simple but now that it's done...  
  
I hope you don't mind,  
  
I hope you don't mind...  
  
that I put down in words...  
  
How wonderful life is now you're in the world.  
  
Bastine: (approaches him slowly, almost hypnotized) ....  
  
Jentian sings: (wanders over to the balcony and leans against the railing)  
  
Sat on the roof, and I kicked off the moss Well, some of these verses, well they,  
  
they got me quite cross  
  
But the sun's been kind  
  
while I wrote this song  
  
It's for people like you that keep it turned on  
  
(he turns to face Bastine, holding her hands gently) So excuse me forgetting  
  
but these things I do  
  
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue  
  
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean...  
  
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.  
  
Bastine: (close up on her face, she's smiling)  
  
(As Jentian continues singing, he sweeps them both out off the balcony onto what looks like a large cloud above the city. The moon is singing along with him, while a couple of piggies fly by. One of them hands him a black umbrella, which he puts over their heads as a shower of sparkles get dropped from another pig which is glowing like a mini pink moon. It's.. sorta romantic.. I guess)  
  
Jentian sings: And you can tell everybody, this is your song  
  
It may be quite simple but now that it's done  
  
Hope you don't mind,  
  
I hope you don't mind  
  
that I put down in words  
  
Bastine: (puts her arms around his shoulders)  
  
Jentian sings: (hugs her close) How wonderful life is now you're in the world  
  
Hope you don't mind,  
  
I hope you don't mind  
  
that I put down in words,  
  
how wonderful life is now you're in the world!  
  
END OF SONG  
  
(the camera pans out to show that the two are still on the balcony, in each others' arms. It pans out further to show the Zimlouse sitting on top of the monkey with GIRie. He was playing his fiddle-providing the music for the song. Why he's back up on the monkey, instead of dooming the Dib-Duke, I don't know, ask Zimlouse.)  
  
Zimlouse: (looking down on them) MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Another victory for the FID-ILL of ZIM!-louse! The play is OURS!! (cackles evilly)  
  
GIRie: WE'RE GONNA DANCE LIKE CAN-CAN GIRLS!!  
  
(zoom back to the balcony, where the two are inches away from a nice, romantic kiss)  
  
Bastine: (dreamily) Mother of Irk. you sing. so well. I. I think I'm in love!  
  
Jentian: (stunned) L-love? With. with me!?  
  
Bastine: (purrs) Yesss. with you. a poetic. wonderful. Irken. duke who can sing.  
  
Jentian: (surprised again) What.? Duke? What do you mean?  
  
Bastine: (giggles) Your title doesn't matter.  
  
Jentian: But... but I'm not a. (pales) Oh no.  
  
Bastine: (now surprised) Not a.? OHNO!! Don't tell me you're not a DUKE!!  
  
Jentian: (lets her go hastily) Then I probably shouldn't tell you I'm only a writer..  
  
Bastine: ........(deadly silence) You're a writer.  
  
Jentian: (scared) Yeah. um. yeah. A. um. Irken. write. er.  
  
Bastine: NO!!! NO YOU'RE NOT!!  
  
Jentian: (terrified) I'msorry! Iam! Zimlousetoldmeyou'dbemeetingmeallaloneandIwasallAAAH!buthesaidit'dbeokayands oIcameandsawyouandwentAAAH!andthenwehadamisunderstandingandyoujumpedonmeandl aughedandIwentallMYYYYGIFTISMYSOOOONGand-  
  
Bastine: (cuts him off-thank God) ZIMLOUSE!? You know Zimlouse!? The most despised of all the Irkhemians the Moulin Vert caters to!?  
  
Jentian: (blinks) You could say that.  
  
Bastine: (grabs a mallet from behind a curtain) I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!!  
  
(cut to the window again. Zimlouse is peeking through it again, with GIRie on his head, along with the Redgentinean.)  
  
Zimlouse: (nervously) My Tallest. I think there may be a tiny glitch in our plans.  
  
Redgentinean: A TINY glitch!? She figured it out!  
  
(cut back to the inside of the Monkey)  
  
Jentian: (trying to calm her down) I had no idea you were expecting anyone else! I'm sorry! Zimlouse said that you'd be meeting me.  
  
Bastine: I wasn't supposed to be meeting a SINGING WRITER! I was supposed to be meeting THE DIB-DUKE! (she gasps) OH IRK!! THE DIB-DUKE! (runs to the door and opens it, only to see said Duke outside) GAH!! (she slams the door) HE'S HERE!!  
  
Jentian: The Dib-Duke?  
  
Bastine: NO! The PUMPKIN KING-YES the DIB-DUKE! HURRY! HIDE!  
  
Jentian: (panicking) Where!?  
  
Bastine: (hisses--litterally) OUT THE BACK!!  
  
(Jentian heads for the balcony, but it stopped by the door opening. In a wild, acrobatic leap, he jumps over the champagne table, crashing into the opposite wall. He rolls out, half unconscious, and stops behind Bastine. Our leading lady hurriedly flings what dress she has over him, in order to hide him)  
  
Purple Zidler: (entering) Hey! Are you de-(notices the change of actresses) BAST-ine! Bastine! Yes! Um. Where were you!? The Dib-Duke and I looked everywhere for you!  
  
Bastine: (nervously) I. I was waiting! Here! You must have just. missed me. yes! I was probably out on the balcony when you got here! Yes. That's it..  
  
Purple Zidler: (blinks) But. we checked out there... Twice.  
  
Bastine: Then you must have been in the wrong Monkey!  
  
Purple Zidler: What? There's only one Monkey. (shakes his head) Anyway! Here he is! The Dib-Duke! (steps aside slightly to allow the Dib-Duke to enter)  
  
Dib-Duke: (removes his hat and makes a nervous bow to Bastine) Mademoiselle.  
  
Bastine: Eh.. hehehehehe! (nervous too) Um. Welcome Monsieur Dib-Duke! It. um. it's a pleasure to. finally meet you!  
  
Purple Zidler: "Finally?"  
  
Bastine: (covering) AGAIN! Finally. meet. you. AGAIN!  
  
Jentian: (snickers)  
  
Bastine: (stomps on his hand) Ah Hahaha! Oh, I make myself laugh!  
  
Dib-Duke: Are you all right.? You look a little pale. (moves toward her)  
  
(while the Dib-Duke is distracted, Jentian hurriedly crawls behind the champagne table, managing to not hit a wall this time)  
  
Bastine: (giggling nervously) I'm quite all right! I. I've never felt better!  
  
Purple Zidler: (eyes her) Well. I should probably be going. Must make sure Gazi isn't beating the dooky out of our patrons! You know, important business! Have fun you two! (zips out)  
  
Dib-Duke: (watches the door close) Um. heh. (takes her hand and lightly kisses it, all gentlemanly) A kiss on the hand--  
  
Bastine: (pulls her hand back fast) Yes, yes, we all know that song.. I sing it every night, in fact.  
  
Dib-Duke: Hmm. well, if you sing it so much-and so well!-then you probably need something to make sure your throat doesn't get sore or something like that. (turns to get her some champagne)  
  
Bastine: (makes a weird, and quite loud, squeaking sound)  
  
Dib-Duke: (looks back at her) Are you sure you're all right.? Maybe you REALLY need a drink. (turns back to the table)  
  
Bastine: (loudly) YES! Yes I'm fine! (watches him turn back to her again) I'm so. FINE I could.. um. dance! Yes! Dance! WHEE! (dances wildly around the room, twirling around so her "dress" poofs out) Lookit me go!  
  
Dib-Duke: (stares) Okay. Um. You sure you don't need any champagne? (he turns yet again to the drinks table)  
  
Bastine: NO! (falls down to her knees so she can look him in the face) NO! Um. I. it. er. um.  
  
Dib-Duke: (stares again) It.. what..?  
  
Jentian: (peeks up from behind the table and waves at Bastine)  
  
Bastine: (sees him) It's. a little bit funny.  
  
Dib-Duke: (lost) What is?  
  
Bastine: Uhh. This...  
  
Jentian: (mouthing and waving to her) Feeling!  
  
Bastine: (quickly) Feeling..!  
  
Dib-Duke: (Still lost) What feeling?  
  
Jentian: (mouths) Inside!  
  
Bastine: Inside.  
  
Jentian: (gesturing now, while mouthing. One of his gestures consists of his hand attacking his own neck) I'm not one of those who can easily...  
  
Bastine: ...... I'm not one of those who can easily...  
  
Jentian: (more gestures)  
  
Bastine: ..hide.  
  
Dib-Duke: (turns to look at what Bastine is staring at) What's so interesting back there.? You're not staring at my head are you?!?  
  
Bastine: (yelps) NO! (hurried) I know I don't have many moneys, but if I did, I'd buy a big house where we both can live. (grabs the Dib-Duke and hugs him close, pressing him to her. Through this, she is waving at Jentian to get out)  
  
Dib-Duke: (looks up at the ceiling, shocked)  
  
Jentian: (shakes his head stubbornly and doesn't leave)  
  
Bastine: (singing) I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind. That I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world. (looks at Jentian nervously)  
  
Dib-Duke: (shakily) That's. very nice. could you. let me go. now.? Please?  
  
Bastine: (abruptly lets him go and stares into his eyes) It's from "Spectacular... (word lapse) Amazingness!"  
  
Dib-Duke: "Spectacular Amazingness"..?  
  
Bastine: It's the play we so dearly need your patronage for! Remember?  
  
(cut outside to the window)  
  
Zimlouse: HEY! That's not what I called it!! (fuming)  
  
Redgentinean: Shut up! Look at the size of the Dib-Duke's EYES! (laughs and points)  
  
(cut back inside)  
  
Bastine: And then! YOU! You walked in and suddenly, it was like a strike of lightning had hit me! BOOM! Right in the head! But, instead of my brain frying into moosh, I knew the meaning of "how wonderful life is, now you're in the world"! BOOM! Just like that! Id'nit great?  
  
Dib-Duke: .....Mind telling me the meaning, mademoiselle?  
  
Jentian: (opens the door to leave and sees Keef outside. His eyes get very big.)  
  
Keef: HI! Is Zim in there? I've been looking all over him like Dib said to but-  
  
Jentian: (slams the door and hides again)  
  
Dib-Duke: (looks toward the sound) Was that Keef? And did the door just open?  
  
Bastine: Uhh. umm. er. oh crap. (throws herself on the bed) YOU EVIL, EVIL MAN! Look at how you toy with my emotions! (sits up, glaring at him) First, you make me think you enjoy my company, then you ask about the door! Have you no shame!! (flops back down)  
  
Dib-Duke: (approaches her) Wow. I had no idea that you Moulin Vert people take doors so seriously. Sorry-ACK!! (Bastine has grabbed him and has proceeded to cuddle him mercilessly)  
  
Bastine: Dib-Duke!! You-you must know the effect you have on females! Your head! It's so. so.  
  
Dib-Duke: (sourly) Big..?  
  
Bastine: Well... NO! No! It is CUDDLY!! (continues cuddling him) Come on! I neeeeeeed cuddles! You know you want them! Gimmie!  
  
Dib-Duke: (appears to be turning blue)  
  
Jentian: (peeks out at them from his hiding place with a pleading look)  
  
Bastine: Ohh. crappit! I guess you're right. cuddles must wait until opening night!  
  
Jentian: (smirks to himself smugly)  
  
Dib-Duke: Wait? What? (sits up) I DON'T WANT TO BE CUDDLED!  
  
Bastine: Yes you do!  
  
Dib-Duke: No, really, I don't.  
  
Bastine: Ohhh. right! You want to be GLOMPED!  
  
Dib-Duke: WHAT!? (scared)  
  
Bastine: Okay, okay, I'll cuddle you. sheez, picky!  
  
Dib-Duke: What's wrong with you!?  
  
Bastine: There's a power in you that scares me. I can only tame it by cuddling you repeatedly! Without my work, you will explode from your power.. But, for now. You should go.  
  
Dib-Duke: Go? But I just got here! Explode!? What!? I don't want to explode!  
  
Bastine: (pushing him out the door) But we'll see each other everyday during rehearsal! I can give you enough cuddling to keep you alive then! But for the big cuddling finale.. we must until opening night.  
  
Dib-Duke: .. Oh.. okay. Um. I'll leave then. (is shoved out)  
  
Bastine: Bye! Thank you! Come again! (slams the door on the Dib-duke and turns to Jentian) You idiot! Do you have ANY idea how bad it would have been if he FOUND you here!? He could have cut off my head or shot me OR YOU! You inconsiderate MORON! (pales suddenly) You. you. ugh.(She gasps and faints)  
  
Jentian: (instantly catches her) Oh! Oh IRK...! (shakes her lightly) Bast. Bastine.? Hello.?  
  
(cut to an open window in the main building of the Moulin Vert, Purple Zidler walking past, minding his own business)  
  
Purple Zidler: (glances sideways and sees Jentian's back, and Bastine being shook-naturally, he assumes. things) I wonde-AH!! AHH! MY EYES!! I WANT TO STAB MY EYES OOOOOUT!! (flees from the window)  
  
Jentian: (stops shaking her) H-Hello? Wake up... Please wake up! Oh, Irk! I hope I didn't kill her.. (glances around) BED! Maybe I'll just put you on the bed. (moves over towards the bed, half-dragging Bastine) ACK! (he trips over her skirt, landing on top of her on the bed) ......This is awkward..  
  
(suddenly, the door opens)  
  
Dib-Duke: (entering) I forgot my Xscope (stops, staring at them)  
  
Jentian: (panicked) She--I--  
  
(fortunately, Bastine chooses this moment to wake up)  
  
Bastine: Oh. (blinks) Um. Hello Dib-Duke!  
  
Dib-Duke: What's going on in here!? I thought you said you'd only use your cuddling to keep me from exploding!  
  
Bastine: (thinks) Uh. That's right Dib-Duke! This is the writer! ..  
  
Dib-Duke: The. writer?  
  
Bastine: (shoves Jentian off her) Naughty boy! (to Dib-Duke) Yes! The writer! We were rehearsing the play!  
  
Dib-Duke: (skeptical) ..Right. In the middle of the night, in the arms of an Irken, inside a green monkey. Uh huh. Of COURSE you're rehearsing.  
  
(cut to the outside of the monkey)  
  
Redgentinean: Looks like we need another plan.  
  
Zimlouse: Yes. Follow my lead, my Tallest!  
  
(Cut back to the inside of the monkey. Bastine is looking nervously for a way out when the Irkhemians appear from their hiding place on the balcony)  
  
Zimlouse: (launching right into his act) HELLO! I brought my mighty fid- ill! How did you EVER expect to rehearse without my masterful music skills?  
  
GIRie: (on Zimlouse's head) PIANO!! WHEEEEEEEE!! (jumps on a keyboard and makes awful sounding chord)  
  
Redgentinean: (swaggering in, all smug) Sorry - got held up! So many dancers! They couldn't keep their hands off me!  
  
Jentian: Sure they couldn't.  
  
Redgentinean: Watch it, singer-boy. Otherwise I'll hit you so hard you'll be singing soprano.  
  
(cut to Purple Zidler's window again)  
  
Purple Zidler: (comes back to the window, rubbing his eyes) Oh Mother of. the horror.. (looks up) GAH!! Not now not now!! Stupid midget! Idiotic RED!! (dashes off again)  
  
Bastine: (to the Dib-Duke) You see? When you came, and said those things, I was so inspired that I gathered everyone together, right here, for an emergency rehearsal!  
  
Dib-Duke: (still skeptical) Well.. if you're rehearsing, where's Purple Zidler?  
  
(Purple Zidler bursts in, almost right on cue)  
  
Purple Zidler: AAH!! Dib-DUKE! There you are!! I'm so incredibly SORRY! Dib-Duke: What.? (hopelessly confused)  
  
Bastine: (sweeps over and smiles at Purple Zidler) Purple! You made it! Thank Irk! It's all right, don't panic so much! You might get head- explodey! The Dib-Duke knows all about the emergency rehearsal.  
  
Purple Zidler: (clueless) The what?  
  
Bastine: (through her teeth) The EMERGENCY REHEARSAL!  
  
Purple Zidler: I didn't order any emergency rehearsal.  
  
Bastine: (nervous laugh) Oh you're so silly! (serious) Yes you did. You know. make sure the Dib-Duke's idea's get in. (elbows him)  
  
Purple Zidler: ....Ohhh. riiiiight.. THAT rehearsal! (smiles grandly at the Dib-Duke) Well I'm sure that Mewdrey person will be happy to put the Dib-Duke's ideas in!  
  
Zimlouse: (clears his throat) Uh. Sir? Mewdrey's left.!  
  
Purple Zidler: Shut up Zim, don't lie to me.  
  
Bastine: (sighs) Oh Purple! The ferret's out of the cupboard now! The Dib- Duke knows everything about our show-well. almost. which is why he's so interested in giving us moneys.  
  
Purple Zidler: (stares) Moneys? MONEYS! Oh yes, well give us moneys then!  
  
Dib-Duke: .....  
  
Purple Zidler: Come on now. Are you mad about Mewdrey leaving? Well, you can't really blame us for hiding. erm.....  
  
Zimlouse: (clears his throat again) Jentian, my Tallest...  
  
Purple Zidler: .Jentian away! It was only to keep his talents preserved!  
  
Dib-Duke: (glares at Jentian) I'm afraid you failed. I already met HIM.  
  
Purple Zidler: (nervous now) Well. um. er. why don't we just go down to my office and fill out some papers! (starts to lead the Dib-Duke out)  
  
Dib-Duke: (stops him) What's the story?  
  
Purple Zidler: ...The story?  
  
Dib-Duke: (folds his arms) If I'm going to give you moneys, I have to know the story, don't I?  
  
Purple Zidler: (looks around, startled) Oh yes, well the story's about... eh, Zimlouse?  
  
Zimlouse: (thinking) Uh... The story-the story's about it's- it's about um... oh Irk.  
  
GIRie: (jumps on the keyboard) MOOSES!  
  
Dib-Duke: (glares at them all) Mooses?!  
  
Jentian: (bursts out) It's about love!  
  
Dib-Duke: ..Love?  
  
Jentian: (quickly) Yes! Yes, it's about. Love. and. love overcoming. obstacles! BIG obstacles! ..With lots of teeth.  
  
Zimlouse: (adds) And it's set in Skibowlia!  
  
Dib-Duke: (glares at him) What's Skibowlia?  
  
Purple Zidler: (pushes Zimlouse aside) It's not in Skibowlia, Dib-Duke! Don't worry!  
  
Redgentinean: (stops looking for Bastine's underwear drawer) Wait, where the hell IS Skibowlia? Why haven't I heard of it!?  
  
Jentian: Irk! Irk! It's set on Irk! And there's a.  
  
Redgentinean: Temptress!  
  
Jentian: .. Yes! A temptress, the most beautiful temptress on the planet, but her city falls under the jurisdiction of an evil Soldier Commander.  
  
Redgentinean and Zimlouse: (in unison) HEY!!  
  
Jentian: (ignoring them) Now, in order to save her city, she has to seduce the evil Soldier Commander.  
  
Redgentinean: (aside) It SHOULD be an Evil Student boss!  
  
Purple Zidler: (overhearing) Shut up! Or I'll make you repair my smoke machines when they break next time!  
  
Jentian: (continuing) But on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless wri- a penniless..  
  
Bastine: (helpfully) Computer programmer?  
  
Jentian: Yes! A penniless Computer Programmer for the evil Soldier Commander and she falls in love with him. (he turns to Bastine) He wasn't trying to trick her or anything. But he was dressed as a Soldier because...uh. because he's. um.  
  
Zimlouse: (thinks) .Appearing in a play?  
  
Dib-duke: Irkens perform plays?  
  
Jentian: Yeah! This one does! He and a group of friends use their skills to put on shows on their days off!  
  
Dib-Duke: ..okay.  
  
Redgentinean: (steps forward) Seeing as I'M NOT evil. I will play. the Computer Programmer! I sing like an angel and I DANCE... like the devil...  
  
Bastine: You sing and ACT like the devil too, if you ask me.  
  
Jentian: And why are you suddenly a DANCING computer programmer??  
  
Regentinean: Um. um. (falls asleep, keeling over with a loud THUNK) Zzzzz.  
  
Dib-Duke: (stares) All right. So, a computer programmer-who dances and sings-travels around on his days off to perform with some buddies. I got it. What happens next?  
  
Jentian: (thinks a moment) Of course. the two have to. erm. Hide their love from the Soldier Commander. Yes, that's it.  
  
GIRie: (jumps in) He gots a magical cupcake-makin lappy-toppy thingy!! An' it tells truth!! An' it dances likea MUNKAY! See? (dances)  
  
Dib-Duke: (blinks) Why does it tell the truth.? And make cupcakes.?  
  
Jentain: (matter-of-factly) Because it's magickal.  
  
Redgentinean: (waking up) ZIM'S THE COMPUTER!!  
  
Zimlouse: WHAT!? No I won't!  
  
Bastine: (aside to Zimlouse) Yes you will. otherwise you'll be cuddled.  
  
Zimlouse: (hurriedly grabs a cardboard box-out of nowhere-and puts it over his head) I am a computer! (makes beeping noises and turns to Bastine) You cuddle people. (beeps and turns to Purple Zidler) You are tall. (turns to the Dib-Duke) You-GMPH!!  
  
Irkhemians: (have covered Zimlouse's mouth and grin sheepishly while Zimlouse makes indignant noises)  
  
Dib-Duke: ....And he gives it away?  
  
Redgentinean: Tell him about the can-can!! You know Pur wants you to!  
  
Jentian: (nervously) Uhh. The tantric can-can... it's an... um. dance.  
  
Redgentinean: (breaking in) It's an erotic, sexy scene that captures the thrusting, violent, vibrant, wild Irkhemian s-  
  
Purple Zidler: (cutting him off before he makes this thing rated R) SPIRIT! Yeah, Irkhemian spirit! That's what this whole play's about!  
  
Dib-Duke: (cautious) What do you mean?  
  
Purple Zidler: (using his big vocabulary!) The show will be magnificent! Opulent! Tremendous! Stupendous! Gargantuan-  
  
Redgentinean: (shouts) A SENSUAL RAVAGEMENT!!  
  
Purple Zidler: QUIT CUTTING ME OFF!! (clears his throat) It will be a.  
  
SONG - SPECTACULAR AMAZINGNESS  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) Spectacular..  
  
Bastine: (spoken-helpfully) AMAZINGNESS!  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken from behind the Dib-Duke) No words in the whole business  
  
can describe this great event (makes a whoosh sound as he moves to the Dib- Duke's other side)  
  
You'll be dumb with wonderment.  
  
(leans in threateningly) Returns are fixed at ten percent.  
  
(cheerfully) You must agree, that's excellent!  
  
(sings) And on top of your fee...  
  
All sing: (except for Dib-Duke) You'll be involved artistically.  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken) What's that mean.?  
  
Everyone sings: (with another whoosh, Purple Zidler joins them) So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!  
  
Jentian: (grabs a Mickey Mouse hat) Rat people!  
  
Zimlouse: (holds his fiddle up) Fiddles!  
  
Purple Zidler: (bows) Irkens!  
  
Bastine: (dances) And temptresses!  
  
GIRie: (jumps around) CANDY!!  
  
Zimlouse: (up on his mechanical legs all threateningly) And Planet Jackers!!  
  
Redgentinean: Exotic girls! (evil smile)  
  
All singing: (except for Dib-Duke) Fire-makers! Soldiers pride and Student flings! Intrigue! ..Danger!  
  
Jentian: (spoken as he holds some flowers out to Bastine) Can't forget romance!  
  
Bastine: ....  
  
Dib-Duke: ...  
  
All singing: (like nothing happened) Amazing lazers, (Redgentinean shoots off a lazer( smoke machines (a smoke bomb goes off) powered with.  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) ELECTRICITY!  
  
All singing: (they dance around insanely) So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!  
  
(they run in place) Spectacular, Amazingness!  
  
No words in the whole business,  
  
can describe this great event,  
  
you'll be dumb with wonderment.  
  
(there is a general song pause as everyone runs around to grab various objects resembling outfits worn on Irk)  
  
All Singing: (dramatically) The hills are alive, with the sound of music...  
  
(they drop the costumes and go back to their big clump in front of the Dib- Duke)  
  
All Singing: So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken, interrupting them) Yes, but what happens in the end?  
  
Everyone Else: (looks around at each other worriedly before running off to create a stage set. Purple Zidler and the Redgentinean get tangled in the curtain they try to put up, Zimlouse randomly throws pillows everywhere, GIRie dances on the keyboard, Bastine adds more random set details and Jentian puts up a few lights)  
  
Jentian: (standing in front of the curtain) Ahem! (sings) The temptress and computer man, are pulled apart by an evil plan...  
  
(On the "stage", the curtain parts to reveal Bastine and the Redgentinean dressed in Irken costume. Zimlouse is off to the side in his cardboard box. As Jentian says "pulled apart" they turn their heads away from each other)  
  
Bastine: (sings) But in the end she hears his song...  
  
Jentian: (sings softly) And their love is just too strong.  
  
Bastine: (shoots Jentian a confused look)  
  
Dib-Duke: (sing horribly off-key) It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...  
  
Everyone: (horrified silence at the duke's singing before they burst into song again from their various positions on the "stage") So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!  
  
Jentian sings: Sitar player's secret song helps them flee the evil one... (a little miniature voot cruiser zooms past a blanket covered in stars) Though the tyrant rants and rails, it is all to no avail!  
  
Purple Zidler: (bursts out from behind the star blanket) I am the evil Soldier!! You will not escape!  
  
Bastine: (spoken) Purple.. Why are you playing him?  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken somewhat angrily) Well, no one else's going to!  
  
All Singing: (again, from various points on the stage) So exciting, we'll make them laugh we'll make them cry!  
  
So delighting --!  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken in excitement) And in the end should someone die?!  
  
Everyone: (stunned silence again while they think, and then sing again to distract the Dib-Duke) So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting it will run for 50 years...!  
  
(The Can-Can music starts up as Keef suddenly appears, spying Zimlouse in his cardboard box. Zimlouse sees him too, and proceeds to flee around the room, avoiding all the mad dancing until Jentian picks him up out of harms way)  
  
END OF SONG  
  
Dib-Duke: (a bit disturbed) Generally.. I like it...!  
  
Everyone: (cheers)  
  
(END ACT III) 


	5. ACT IV: MONKEY LOVE

ACT IV: Monkey Love  
  
(open on the Irkhemian hotel. There are cancan dancers and Irkhemians alike inside, dancing, drinking, and partying.)  
  
Lynne: (following Zimlouse around, still in her spooky black can-can outfit) I want to be an Irkhemian toooooo!!!  
  
Zimlouse: o.o .. Oh. kay.  
  
Lynne: Then I can play MUSIC and be FREE of cancan dancing! Because I hate it!  
  
Zimlouse: (points to the piano) We need dancing music and GIRie is busy eating. Play! .u  
  
Lynne: :D (giddily starts playing the piano)  
  
(JC the Green Fairy can be seen flying around, spreading her magical, drunken hallucination, fairy dust everywhere. Some people try to fly. They end up landing in Jentian's room.)  
  
Jentian: .9 God. DAMN! That's the ninth one in ten minutes.  
  
Jentian as Narrator: Well. Purple Zidler had an investor-a reluctant investor, but someone with more money than he had, so, it worked out okay. And the Irkhemians had a show. They were very happy about it, and "celebrated" long into the night. Unfortunately for me, this entailed the destruction of my room and half of my good top hats.  
  
(cut to the roof of the building. The Redgentinean is there, drunker than anyone. He waves a bottle of absinthe in the air.)  
  
Redgentinean: WHOOOO! Gimme shum farry dusht! (waves bottle) VIVE REVOLUTION OF.... ME! (drinks)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: While the so-called celebration party ragged upstairs, I tried to write. But. writing is rather difficult when you're busy throwing drunken Irkhemians out and daydreaming about the most beautiful girl in the world.  
  
Jentian: (throws another Irkhemian out) AND STAY OUT! No matter HOW much you flap your arms, you do NOT have wings and CAN NOT fly! (slams door) -.- ; Oy, if I wasn't in AA. (he sits on the windowsill) At least no one can land on my head if I'm here. (sings quietly) How wonderful life is. Now you're in the world.  
  
Jentian as Narrator: And I really wondered. was she thinking about me? Not in the creepy, stalker way. but in the nice, sane, in-love way that I was thinking about her?  
  
(cut to the Green Monkey. Bastine is looking out her balcony thingy too, also thinking. Also thinking about her little green writer.)  
  
Bastine: (sighs) Not a duke. a writer. obsessed with love. (leans on the railing and sighs again) Nice guy. Maybe he'll come back for some cuddling. (sighs yet again) .......... Damn, I do that a lot. (she turns and walks back into the Monkey)  
  
SONG - ONE DAY I'LL FLY AWAY  
  
Bastine sings: I. follow the night.  
  
Can't stand the light. When. will I begin to live again?  
  
(She starts walking back out to the balcony)  
  
One day I'll fly away!  
  
Leave all this to yesterday...  
  
what more could your love do for me?  
  
When will love be through with me?  
  
(She starts climbing the stairs to the top of the Monkey)  
  
Why live life from dream to dream.? And dread the day when dreaming. ends?  
  
Jentian: (antennae perk) That sounds like. (sings too) How wonderful life is now you're in the world. (thinks a moment) I know! (starts sneakily climbing down the ivy growing on the hotel) ..... O.O;; (falls) AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (hits the ground with a thud) X.x .. Oy. (he eventually picks himself up, somehow manages to leap the fence around the Moulin Vert and climb the Monkey, all before Bastine gets to the next verse)  
  
Bastine sings: (on top of the Monkey now) One day I'll fly away!!  
  
Leave all this to yesterday.!!  
  
Why live life from dream to dream..? And dread the day when dreaming ends..?  
  
One day I'll fly away, fly, fly away..  
  
END OF SONG  
  
Bastine: I like that song. (sits on a bench thingy) Ahhh. good to be off the feet---AAAAAAH!! WHAT THE HELL!? (throws her shoe at something peeking at her over the edge of the bench)  
  
Jentian: (covered in ivy leaves and dirt from the fall) OWWW!! HEY! WATCH IT!! (stops) Erm. I mean. Sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean... I saw--I saw your light on. I climbed up the... the. IVY! And I. I fell! And then the jump and the you. with the. "FLYYYY AWAYYY!" and. erm. yeah.  
  
Bastine: ............What?  
  
Jentian: (thinking fast) I couldn't sleep! I wanted to thank you for helping me get the job.  
  
Bastine: Oh! Oh right. Yeah, it'll be a good show. Zimlouse actually had a good idea for once. He surprises me sometimes. Well! (all cheery) It's a big day of rehearsal tomorrow! Hehe. I uh. better get some rest! You should too! (she starts to go)  
  
Jentian: Wait!  
  
Bastine: (turns) Yes?  
  
Jentian: Well. erm. I was. wondering. Do you remember what happened in the Monkey earlier.?  
  
Bastine: The play?  
  
Jentian: Before that.  
  
Bastine: The duke seeing you on top of me?  
  
Jentian: .; (blushes) Before that.  
  
Bastine: (thinks) Um.  
  
Jentian: (speaks up) After I sang.! And. you said you'd fallen in love with me.!  
  
Bastine: OH! Oh yeah! I remember! ........ (guardedly) What about it?  
  
Jentian: Erm. I was.. wondering if. if it was. just. because you're such a good actress and you sing so well and.  
  
Bastine: (slowly) You were wondering if I was just acting?  
  
Jentian: (Oh he feels like an idiot) ....... yeah.  
  
Bastine: (quickly) Of course it was!  
  
Jentian: (now he feels like a BIGGER idiot) o.o ...Oh. but. but it. it felt. so. real. (he hangs his head)  
  
Bastine: (groans) Look, Writer-boy-  
  
Jentian: It's Jentian.  
  
Bastine: Same thing. I. am a temptressy person (she does a little swishy dress move) I am PAID to make people think I love them! It makes the best moneys, which makes Purple Zidler able to pay other temptressy people who make more moneys which gives him the moneys to run the Moulin Vert!  
  
Jentian: (standing at the edge of the balcony) I wonder how long I'd have to say goodbye if I jumped.?  
  
Bastine: (grabs his arm, shocked) Why would you jump!?  
  
Jentian: Well. It was really stupid of me to think that. someone as pretty as you would. you know. LOVE a green, Irkhemian writer. who constantly has drunken Redgentineans falling through his roof. .9  
  
Bastine: Who falls through your roof?  
  
Jentian: Oh. that horny Redgentinean. He gets drunk off his ass every ten minutes, then with his narcolepsy thing, he tends to fall through the floor.  
  
Bastine: Ohhhh. I see. Anyway. I can't fall in love with anyone. It's terrible for business. You might. I don't know. Call the client someone else while cuddling them!  
  
Jentian: (grabs her hands, startled) What!?  
  
Bastine: o.o; Call the client something el-  
  
Jentian: No no! The other thing!!  
  
Bastine: I can't fall in love? O.o;  
  
Jentian: YEAH! Yes yes! That! That. that. (looks stunned) That's horrible. How can you live without love?  
  
Bastine: How would you know? Have you ever been in love? (gives him the evil eye)  
  
Jentian: Erm.  
  
Jentian as Narrator: I knew that "I had never been in love" phrase would come back to haunt me. damn my big green mouth.  
  
Bastine: Besides. If I fall in love, I could get fired. And THEN where would I go? Work at Mac Meaties!? Ugh, I'd rather be a temptress.  
  
Jentian: But. but love...is like. oxygen!!  
  
Bastine: What? (looking at him like he's crazy)  
  
SONG - MONKEY LOVE MEDLEY  
  
Jentian: (spoken) Love. Love is a many. splendid thing! Love.. it. it lifts you up where. um. where you belong!! ....ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!! :D  
  
Bastine: (spoken) What are you on?  
  
Jentian sings: All you need is love!  
  
Bastine: (spoken) My cuddling has to please!  
  
Jentian sings: All you need is love!  
  
Bastine: (spoken) Or else I'll work at Mac Meaties!  
  
Jentian: All you need is love... (smiling at her)  
  
Bastine: (looks away, speaking) Love is just a game...  
  
Jentian sings: (grabbing a random broom and striking an Elvis-looking pose) I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me!  
  
Bastine sings: (folds her arms and looks away) The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee. (makes the universal sign for moneys)  
  
Jentian sings: (gets on his knees dramatically) Just one night, give me just one night!  
  
Bastine sings: (offended) There's NO way 'cause you can't pay!  
  
Jentian sings: In the name of love, one night in the name of love... (pleading expression)  
  
Bastine sings: You crazy fool, I won't give into you. (she tries to leave)  
  
Jentian sings: (reaching after her) Don't...  
  
Bastine: (stops and looks back at him)  
  
Jentian sings: (pleading) .leave me this way. I can't survive. without your sweet love, oh baby... don't leave me this way.  
  
Bastine sings: (she leans on the rail of the balcony) You think that people would have had enough of silly love songs...  
  
Jentian sings: (walks up next to her) I look around me and I see it isn't so.. (pretends to scan a crowd) Heh. Nope.  
  
Bastine sings: (looks down) Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.  
  
Jentian sings: Well what's wrong with that? (he looks at Bastine and tilts her chin up to look at him) I'd like to know.  
  
Bastine: (looks away)  
  
Jentian sings: (gets a determined look on his face) .Cause here I go again!! (he jumps up on the balcony rail and balances on one foot) Love lifts us up where we belong!  
  
Bastine:(spoken) Get down, you jackass! What the hell do you think you're DOING!? You're going to break your neck!  
  
Jentian sings: (stretches his arms out) ^__^ Where eagles fly, on a mountain high!  
  
Bastine sings: Love makes us act like we are fools. (pulls Jentian's other leg down so that he falls on his arse to illustrate her point) Throw our lives away for one happy day.!  
  
Jentian sings: We can be heroes! Just for one day... (tries to take her hands)  
  
Bastine: (walks down the stairs, speaking) You, you will be mean.  
  
Jentian: (spoken) No I won't! Why would I?  
  
Bastine: (spoken) And I...I'll drink all the time!  
  
Jentian: (spoken) Aw, the hell you will.  
  
Bastine: (spoken) Wanna bet?  
  
Jentian sings: We should be lovers!  
  
Bastine sings: We can't do that. (leans against the lower balcony, not facing him)  
  
Jentian sings: We should be lovers! (approaches her and finally holds her hands) And that's a fact.  
  
Bastine sings: (FINALLY looking him in the eye) Though nothing. would keep us together...  
  
Jentian sings: We could steal time.  
  
Both sing: .just for one day. We can be heroes, forever and ever. We can be heroes forever and ever. We can be heroes just because...  
  
(Camera pans around them as fireworks go off in the night sky behind them)  
  
Jentian sings: I... will always love you!  
  
Bastine sings: I...!  
  
Both sing: Can't help loving...  
  
Jentian sings: (hugging her) You...  
  
Bastine sings: (leaning against him) How wonderful life is...  
  
Both sing: Now you're in. the world...  
  
Bastine: (spoken) You're going to be bad for business, I can tell.  
  
Jentian: Well. I'll just have to make up for all the business you'll lose then.  
  
Bastine: (smirks) I like the sound of that.  
  
(They share a nice, long, romantic kiss while piggies fly by, scattering more fireworks. Cut back to the roof of the Irkhemian hotel, where the Redgentinean is sitting, drunk off his green arse)  
  
Redgentinean: (starts belting out random notes that sound vaguely like some twisted form of opera)  
  
JC the Green Fairy: (flies up from a window below him) HEY! HEY! People are down there trying to SLEEP, you know!! Like ME!  
  
Redgentinean: Gimme shum uh dat pick-shee dust! O (tries to grab her)  
  
JC the Green Fairy: EEP! O.O (zips away) ALL RIGHT! That's IT.!! NO MORE MISS-NICE-DRUNKEN-HALLUCINATION for YOU!! O (swats him across the face with her wings and buzzes over to an empty absinthe bottle and raises it as if to whack the Redgentinean) O JC SMASH!!!! ... 6.6; .  
  
Redgentinean: x.x (passed out from both absinthe and narcolepsy)  
  
JC the Green Fairy: 6.6 . ~.~ Bastard. He owes me an ass-kicking. (buzzes over to another absinthe bottle and disappears)  
  
(cut to downstairs. Lynne and GIRie are banging away on the piano, while Zimlouse dances around the room, playing wildly on his fiddle. Gazie and a few other can-can girls dance around too, celebrating)  
  
Zimlouse: u.u HOW WOOOOOONDERFUL LIIIIIFE IIIIIIS..!!  
  
Lynne and GIRie: NOW YOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLLLLD! :D  
  
(pan out from the hotel room, and begin zooming in fast on Purple Zilder's office in the Moulin Vert as day dawns)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: Life really was wonderful now. I actually sold that noose I bought last week to Zimlouse. He said something about going and haunting the old opera house a few blocks down from the Irkhemian center of Paris. I don't know. I think he was a little crazy. Unfortunately, life wasn't exactly as wonderful for other members of the Moulin Vert staff. The Dib-Duke kept getting his sticky little human fingers into everything. including Bastine's life.  
  
(We can now see the inside of Purple Zilder's office. The Dib-Duke and Purple Zilder are seated across from each other at a big desk. There are posters of can-can girls on the walls, advertising the shows of the Moulin Vert and a few catalogs for the latest smoke machines on the desk. Keef stands in a corner, talking to a squirrel)  
  
Dib-Duke: Thanks for letting me speak to you in. (glances at Keef and his squirrel) private, Zidler.  
  
Purple Zidler: (flipping through a catalog) No trouble my dear Dib-Duke! No trouble at all, I assure you! In fact, I was about to speak to you today.  
  
Dib-Duke: You were? (looks nervous) What about..?  
  
Purple Zidler: The very LATEST in smoke machine technology! u.u Guaranteed to keep lazer-brained, idiotic Redgentineans on the street or in the absinthe houses and lesser cabarets where they belong! (proudly displays a picture of said machine)  
  
Dib-Duke: Erm. that's lovely. But I came to speak to you about the Moulin Vert!  
  
Purple Zidler: Really? (sets his catalog aside)  
  
Dib-Duke: (nervously) Changing this place from. from a. "dance hall" to a theater is going to cost a lot of moneys.  
  
Purple Zidler: Exactly. Which is why we needed an investor so very badly.  
  
Dib-Duke: And SINCE all those moneys are coming out of my pocket. I. I require security.  
  
Purple Zidler: (confused) Security?  
  
Dib-Duke: (hurriedly) Give me the deeds to the Moulin Vert.  
  
Purple Zidler: What!?  
  
Dib-Duke: You heard me, you green Irkhemian fool!  
  
Purple Zidler: There's no reason to resort to name calling, Dib-Duke! (innocently) And why ever would you need the deeds to THIS little hole-in- the-wall?  
  
Dib-Duke: Don't you play dumb with ME, Zidler. (stands up in his chair so he's only a few inches shorter than Purple Zidler) I will hold the deeds to the Moulin Vert. That way, all of Bastine's cuddles will be mine. And then my head will NEVER explode!  
  
Purple Zidler: O.o; Who said anything about your head exploding.?  
  
Dib-Duke: Listen here. I don't want any funny business. You give me those deeds. And when I have them, if I suspect anything going on behind my back, my manservant-  
  
Purple Zidler: (thinking) Manservant!? Must. not. laugh. :X  
  
Dib-Duke: (continuing) -Keef, will make sure that you and all of your little green buddies will be on an autopsy table and exposed for what you really are!  
  
Purple Zidler: O.o?  
  
Dib-Duke: It's important that Bastine be mine. I mean, I have to live, don't I? And if she's spreading her cuddles too thin, how is there supposed to be anything left for ME?! (jumps up and grabs Purple Zidler's collar) I WANT TO LIVE!!!!! O.O  
  
(There is a tense quiet for a few moments)  
  
Keef: (bursts out laughing) HAHAHAHA!! Oh, that's a good one Squirrely :]  
  
Dib-Duke: O.o;  
  
Purple Zidler: O.o; Erm. right. Anyway. 6.6; (attempting to save face) I understand your position, Duke. And. erm. yeah. It's a deal.  
  
Dib-Duke: (sits back down) Oh good! (clears his throat) Now. just hand over those deeds and I shall send the moneys to you with my personal accountant.  
  
Purple Zidler: o.o; That hairy big-footed guy who was chewing on a quarter.?  
  
Dib-Duke: ..... Sadly, yes. Anyway! You now have the moneys to turn this. place .  
  
Purple Zidler: Into a theater!? :D!! (all excited)  
  
Dib-Duke: Yes, into a theater. Anyway. for your part. I will have dinner with Bastine tonight. Totally alone.  
  
Purple Zidler: o.o; Y'know. last time that didn't work out so well.  
  
Dib-Duke: Shut up and help me plan.  
  
(Fade to black and prepare for the next ACT: Rehearsal and DISCOVERY!) 


	6. ACT V: Rehearsal, NotSoCheesy Montages a...

ACT V: "Rehearsal, Not-So-Cheesy Montages and Madonna Remakes"   
  
(Open on the main dance hall of the Moulin Vert. All the important people are there, listening to Purple Zidler make a speech. Some of them are sitting on the floor, others are hanging off of things, but most are seated in chairs, facing Purple Zidler)  
  
Purple Zidler: (holding up random drawings of various stages) I can't believe this! We actually have the moneys to BUILD this monstrosity!  
  
Professor Chocolate: I resent that comment! My creations are NEVER monstrosities! ... Well... except for that one super-sized, lazer moose candy... Hmm... yes. I believe THAT was my only monstrosity! But not this. This is a stage. Not a moose candy.  
  
Purple Zidler: o.o ... Oooookay. Um. Anyway! It will be spectacular!  
  
Zimlouse: [os] AND AMAZING!  
  
Purple Zidler: .O AS I WAS SAYING! .u (huffy) As I was saying, this NEW theater will be fully modernized! There will be such incredible new devices! Like... new smoke machines, snack vendors, electricity, better music amplifiers...  
  
Gazi: How about GAMES? Does this stupid place get any GAMES? I don't spend ALL my time working for your little SHOW you know... .O  
  
Purple Zidler: (hastily) Y-Yes! I mean, of COURSE! We have to keep you all happy, right? ^.^;; Hehehdon'tkillmeheh...  
  
Kat23a: (hanging off a hanging oil lamp, rainbow can-can skirt hanging over her head) OOO! Can we have flashing DISCO lights!? Huh huh? CAN WEEEE?! 8D!  
  
KidKourage: How about a new piano? Can we get a new piano for our breakroom? PLEEEEEEEEAASE! (swishes her black and silver can-can outfit around) It'd really help us relax!  
  
Redgentinean: MORE LAZERS! ...And booze! ...And... stuff!  
  
GIRie: (hanging off of Kat23a) TAAAAAAACOOOOOS!   
  
(Soon the whole room is clamoring for new additions to the Moulin Vert)  
  
Bastine: (takes the opportunity to look over at Jentian) ^_^ (waves)  
  
Dib-Duke: O_O;; (sitting in front of Jentian) ^.^; (blushes madly and waves back, thinking Bastine is looking at him)  
  
Jentian: (rolls his eyes and smiles back at Bastine)   
  
Purple Zidler: (FINALLY regaining control) HEY! HEY! HELLO!! (waving arms) SHUT UP!!! ... (pauses while everyone quiets) THERE! Now... there might not be enough money for ALL of that... but I assure you... We'll do our best! As will our actors-  
  
Bastine: [os] AND ACTRESSES!!  
  
Purple Zidler: ._. And actresses... will do their best too! And the Dib-Duke will do his best to fund us!   
  
Dib-Duke: (ducks down in his chair as people turn to look at him) ... Uh... hehe... hiya. (waves weakly)  
  
Purple Zidler: (finishing his speech) Construction starts today--!  
  
(on cue, a huge wrecking ball crashes into the hall, scattering scared people and showing everyone with debris)  
  
Purple Zidler: (having a panic attack) OH SWEET IRK!! AAAAAAH! AAAAAHAAA!! THE BUILDING IS COLLAPSING! AAAAAAAAH!! O.O RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! (flees the building, ranting hysterically to himself while AF follows in a rather bad attempt to calm him down and drag him back)  
  
Bastine: o.o ... (coughs a little) Well... that was... interesting.  
  
Lynne: o.o (coughs too) Aw, well... you know what they say!  
  
Bastine: ~.~; Purple runs like a gazelle on steroids?  
  
Lynne: 9.9; Well... there's that... But I was thinking more along the lines of-  
  
Zimlouse: (stands up) GET TO WORK YOU BUILDER MONKEYS! O The SHOW must go ON OR my AMAZING fid-ill TALENT will go to a hideeeousss WASTE!  
  
Lynne: o.o; What he said, only without the monkey, fiddle and.. the rest of it.   
  
Gazi: "The show must go on"?  
  
Lynne: Yeah that :D;;  
  
Jentian as Narrator: The show eventually did go on. And the rather abrupt timing of the wrecking ball-resulting in Purple Zidler's panic attack-no one was around to remind Bastine of her little dinner with the Dib-Duke. That gave us plenty of time to... "rehearse"... if you know what I mean.   
  
(the scene whirls away to the interior of Zimlouse's apartment. It's a rather cold, imposing place, with lots of useless wires hung on the wall and some sheet music scattered everywhere. Zimlouse is in what appears to be a kitchen, making some sort of concoction. ...I think it's cake. GIRie bounces on the counter, sucking on a drink of some kind. Jentian and Bastine are in the sitting area, working out the play)  
  
Jentian: (pacing) And then... this happens! (all dramatically) Mad with jealousy, the evil Soldier General forces the temptress to make the penniless computer programmer believe she doesn't love him! How's that? Is that good?   
  
Bastine: (curled up on the couch) Oh yeah! ^.^  
  
Zimlouse: [os] It's too... unrealistic! And fanciful! And stuff like that!   
  
Jentian: (imitating the Redgentinean) "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!" says the penniless computer programmer. He throws some moneys at her feet and leaves Irk forever! No no! He... he jumps off a balcony! (he gets on the balcony and threatens to jump) Like this!   
  
Basttine: (knowing Jentian's a klutz sometimes) No! Get off there!   
  
Zimlouse: [os] Are you up on that balcony again?! Remember what happened LAST time you were up there, Jentian!  
  
Jentian: (rolls his eyes and gets down) Hmm... okay, so he doesn't jump... he just leaves. Maybe he goes to Vort or Blorch or Foodcourtia or something.  
  
Bastine: But he lives?  
  
Jentian: Why not? (surprised)   
  
Bastine: (shocked) But you said... A life without love... that's awful. 6.6  
  
Jentian: (comes and sits next to her) Aw, he'll be okay, because his computer reminds him that--   
  
Zimlouse: (coming into the room, all huffy with GIRie on his head and cake on his face) I believe that's MY line Jentian! (pauses, thinking) The... uh... magical computer... that can only speak the truth says... he says... uh... erm.... .9 Blast it... uhhhh... Dooky? O.o  
  
Jentian: (putting his arms around Bastine) He says, Zimlouse, that the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.  
  
Zimlouse: (makes a disagreeable face) Why on Irk do I let you two come practice here...? 9.9;   
  
(Begin not-so-cheesy montage. Pan in on Bastine's dressing room. Bastine and Jentian are kissing... a lot. Whoa... how can they BREATHE? Do they take scuba tanks? O.o)  
  
Dib-Duke: (bursting in) Bastine! There you are!  
  
Bastine: (dropping Jentian abruptly) o.o;; Yes! Here! Right here, Dib-Duke!   
  
Jentian: (hastily wiping the lipstick off his face while the Dib-Duke is distracted)   
  
Dib-Duke: (sheepishly) I... I uh was wondering... if you would... want to come out... ghost hunting with me... Uh.. This city is perfect... y'know...?   
  
Bastine: Erm... o.o; I'm sorry, but I just don't... have the time. (with more ease) Too much work to do on script! u.u  
  
Jentian: (nods) o.o It's not quite finished... I mean, the kinks are still in it.   
  
Bastine: And WHO can perform a play with KINKS! :O  
  
Dib-Duke: (huffy now) He's tall! He can carry our gear and you two can work it out in my company! Plus, I might have some stuff to add! :d  
  
Jentian: (under his breath) I'm sure you will...  
  
  
  
(whirl up to Zimlouse's apartment, where Lynne is tuning her fiddle, the Redgentinean is flirting and Jentian is working with Zimlouse on his lines)   
  
Jentian: (slightly frustrated) Zimlouse...  
  
Zimlouse: (waves his arms) I KNOW I KNOW! The computer programmer falls off the roof into his voot cruiser-  
  
Jentain: (prompting) And says...?  
  
Zimlouse: Yes, yes, yes I know! Don't tell me this! .9 Zim is AMAZINGLY remembering! "The greatest thing you'll ever..." (with air quotes)  
  
(cut back to Bastine's dressing room. Bastine and Jentian are kissing yet again, when the Dib-Duke bursts in. They part as fast as last time, only Bastine ends up on the floor this time)   
  
Dib-Duke: O.o ... :D;; (hopefully) Not still at it, I hope...? (offers Bastine a piece of paranormal hunting gear)  
  
  
  
(and back to the apartment)   
  
  
  
Zimlouse: master...? Make...? contract...? Doom...? .9   
  
Redgentinean: "LEARN", YOU IMBECILE! O (throws a bottle at his head)   
  
  
  
(Back to the dressing room, when the Dib-Duke has popped in yet again. Both Bastine and Jentian are on the floor this time)   
  
  
  
Bastine: (sounding disappointed) I'm so sorry Dib-Duke! There's so much to do... we've just been drilling the lines over and over.  
  
Dib-Duke: 6.6; Oh... well... I'll leave you alone...   
  
Jentian: Oh! Dib-Duke! o.o  
  
Dib-Duke: Yes? o.o?  
  
Jentian: I think Gazi's dressing room is haunted... there were spooky noises in there yesterday when I had to work with her... yeah...  
  
Dib-Duke: I'll check it out right away! :D! (zips off)  
  
Bastine: Did you just get rid of him for me? :o (feigning surprise)   
  
Jentian: Oh, so I did D   
  
(They resume kissing as the screams of the Dib-Duke fill the air. He must have walked in on Gazi changing. End montage)  
  
  
  
Jentian as Narrator: The Dib-Duke was persistent, but so were we. Thanks to the fact that I was writing the show, it was really easy to avoid his advances on Bastine. Most of the reasons WERE perfectly legitimate... and some of them just sounded like they were.   
  
(cut to the main hall of the Moulin Vert. A rehearsal is taking place)   
  
Jentian: (approaching the Dib-Duke and Basting) ^.^;; Uh... Mademoiselle Bastine?  
  
Bastine: o.o? Yes?  
  
Jentian: 6.6; I'm having some problems writing that new scene. I think it's writer's block o.o;;;  
  
Bastine: :O How awful! (suddenly more serious) What scene?   
  
Jentian: Ermm... The...um... scene where the computer programmer asks the temptress if she'll have dinner at his place... because... um... he can cook... At least, he thinks he can.   
  
Dib-Duke: (butting in) You can't be working tonight! I had Zidler set a special dinner in the Spectral Tower! .O It's going to get cold and then that Chihuahua thing'll show up. And you KNOW how hard that thing is to get rid of o.o   
  
Jentian: (taken aback) Erm... okay. 6.6; Well, it's not important. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Or we--we could work on it tomorrow... (turns to go)   
  
Bastine: (jumps to her feet) Hell no! It can't wait until tomorrow!  
  
Jentian: o.o;   
  
Dib-Duke: Why not? O.o  
  
Bastine: It's the most important scene in the play! THAT'S why! .O   
  
Dib-Duke: ._. Oh.  
  
Bastine: (to Jentian) .u We'll work on it tonight until I'm completely satisfied.  
  
Jentain: o.o We will?  
  
Bastine: Of course u.u In fact, let's start now!  
  
Dib-Duke: o.o; But--   
  
Bastine: Dib-Duke, excuse me. u.u (heads off to another room)   
  
Jentian: I'm really sorry ._.;; (thinking: BOOYAH! 8D!!) Hopefully she'll be free tomorrow...  
  
Dib-Duke: Oh go away .6  
  
Jentian: (zips off)   
  
(zoom towards the stage, which is finally finished. The rehearsal is just finishing up)  
  
Purple Zidler: (flipping through a script) Okay! That was pretty good!   
  
Redgentinean: Pretty good!? Zim kept talking over me! .O  
  
Zimlouse: I was not! O.O And I only speak the truth so you can't not believe me! (hiding in his cardboard computer costume)  
  
Gazi: .O GIR's piano playing is distracting me...  
  
  
  
Purple Zilder: -.-;; We'll work it out later... Bright and early tomorrow morning, we'll begin on act two; "The lovers are discovered!"  
  
Tak: (hey! Look who survived!) How?  
  
Purple Zidler: How should I know? I'm not the writer. (climbs off the stage and heads for the Dib-Duke)   
  
  
  
(Meanwhile, Jentian and Bastine have found a "secluded" alcove in which to "rehearse". In other words, they're making out practically in plain sight. Love makes people do stupid things.)   
  
Dib-Duke: Hey! Zidler! HryHH   
  
Purple Zidler: ^.^; (coming over) Hello Dib-Duke, I have everything planned for that dinner in the... what's it called? Bigfeet Tower? Swamp Gas Tower...?   
  
Dib-Duke: SPECTRAL Tower, you stupid alien. .O And eat it yourself Zidler. Bastine hates me.   
  
Purple Zidler: (starting to panic) O.O;;; .... I... I... Impossible!   
  
Dib-Duke: Look, I'm a paranormal scientist! .u I understand how important work is to people. But Basting is ALWAYS with that stupid Irkhemian writer! It's like he's a slave master or something!  
  
Purple Zilder: 6.6 ... .9? ... ((O_O));;;;;;;;; (spotting Bastine and Jentian)   
  
Dib-Duke: (oblivious) And, honestly, if she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain tonight, I'm going back to my work and pulling my moneys out of this whole... business!   
  
Purple Zidler: (nearly hyperventilating) No! NO! Dib-Duke! Listen! I'll... I'll do something!!  
  
Dib-Duke: ... Oh... kay. Have Bastine take the night off then. o.o  
  
Purple Zidler: ((O_O));;;; Done...   
  
Dib-Duke: All right! u.u I'll see her at eight then. My show's over by then. (turns and walks out)  
  
Purple Zidler: ((O_O));;;; Okay... (heads towards Bastine and Jentian)   
  
(Uh oh! Cut to Bastine and Jentian. Jentian once again has lipstick all over his face.)  
  
  
  
Jentian: (coming up for air 9.9) You're coming? Tonight?   
  
Bastine: Yes! Of course!  
  
  
  
Jentian: What time? o.o  
  
  
  
Bastine: Eight o' clock. ^.~  
  
Jentian: Promise? o.o   
  
Bastine: (laughs) Yes! Go! I want a nice dinner, and none of Zimlouse's cake XP   
  
Jentian: ^.^ (runs off, all happy)  
  
Purple Zidler: (belooms over Bastine, all shadowy and spooky... and panicky) ARE YOU CRAZY!? O.O;   
  
Bastine: AAAAAAAH! O.O; Oh! Puple! ^.^;;;; He.. hello!  
  
Purple Zidler: O_O;; (on the verge of another panic attack) The... the Dib-Duke... He... deeds to... Moulin Vert... if he sees you... wi-WHY ARE YOU KISSING THE WRITER?!   
  
Bastine: (keeping composure) I wasn't kissing him! u.u We were rehearsing--   
  
Purple Zidler: I SAW YOU TOGETHER! ((((O.O))))  
  
Bastine: o.o ... I... 6.6 It's nothing, Purple. It's just an infatuation. It's nothing, I'm serious.   
  
Purple Zidler: (((O.O))) Well... UN-infatuate him!! If the Dib-Duke finds out, the Moulin Vert is rubble and we're all autopsy subjects!!   
  
Bastine: o.o ...  
  
Purple Zidler: His... tower... eight... go... e.e (stumbles off, half in a faint)   
  
Bastine: o.o ... (stands where she is for a long time)   
  
(slowly pan out on Bastine, as "One Day I'll Fly Away" plays. Cut to a close up of her as she starts coughing again)   
  
  
  
Jentian as Narrator: How was I supposed to know...?  
  
  
  
(Bastine coughs violently)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: She never told me anything... nothing about what was happening to her... I should have known.   
  
  
  
(Bastine coughs frantically and faints. Cut to the Dib-Duke's tower, where Purple Zidler is looking at his pocket-watch. The Dib-Duke is in the background, pacing.)  
  
Purple Zidler: Where is she? ((((O.O))))  
  
(cut to Bastine's dressing room, where she's curled up in bed)   
  
  
  
Bitterie: I knew it... she's doomed. And has doomed us all... to a wretched, miserable life. Doing something more HORRIBLE than what we're doing now.  
  
Gazi: (in a corner) Not like you do anything here ANYway... ~.~  
  
Professor Chocolate: Don't worry! Bastine will be up on her feet again by morning! Plenty of time to fix everything!  
  
(cut to the Dib-Duke's Spectral Tower. The Dib-Duke is packing up his equipment, while Purple Zidler thinks frantically for an excuse for Bastine's disappearance)   
  
  
  
Purple Zidler: (((O.O))) (first thing that comes to mind) SHE'S CONFESS... ING!  
  
(there is a long pause)   
  
  
  
Dib-Duke: .O Confessing?! What kind of idiot do you think I am, you alien?   
  
Purple Zidler: (taking the idea and running with it... like a gazelle on steroids) She... She uh... had a.. she wanted to go.. tell a pr... priest about all the... the thing's she'd done!!! O.O;;   
  
Dib-Duke: What? Why?! O.o  
  
  
  
Purple Zidler: (pretty much babbling along) She.. she didn't want.. to be reminded of everything she'd done! Uhmmm... she uh, thought tonight was like... like A WEDDING NIGHT! (inspired)   
  
Dib-Duke: (a little creeped out) ... Her WEDDING night?  
  
  
  
Purple Zidler: (keeps going) She's like a blushing bride... really! :D;; She says you make her feel... like a... like a... a v--virgin...! u.u;;;;;   
  
Dib-Duke: Virgin? O.o (More than disturbed) But she... HOW? Wha...?   
  
Purple Zidler: You know... ^.^;;; glomped for the very first time? That whole bit...?   
  
Dib-Duke: (stunned) The first? But she's a temptress! O.o  
  
  
  
Purple Zidler: Uhhh... o.o; Good... point...  
  
Dib-Duke: So.. she can't... can she??  
  
Purple Zidler: o.o ...... (taking a cue from the Redgentinean) She says it feels so good... inside...! Yeah! That's it! She says it's so... wonderful, y'know, when you hold her...and you glomp her.. and she cuddles you... and stuff... she says she feels... oh, you know! (getting slightly flustered)  
  
  
  
Dib-Duke: Like a virgin? ô.o?  
  
  
  
SONG - LIKE A VIRGIN   
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken)  
  
She's made it through the wilderness somehow.  
  
She's made it through!  
  
She didn't know how lost she was!  
  
Until she found you...! (puts a hand on the Dib-Duke's shoulder and gestures grandly)  
  
Dib-Duke: o.o;   
  
  
  
Purple Zilder: (sings) u.u   
  
She was beat... incomplete.   
  
She'd been had!   
  
She was sad and blue...  
  
But you made her feel...  
  
Yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel...shiny and new!   
  
Ahh! (spins the Dib-Duke around to face him)   
  
Like a virgin!   
  
Glomped for the very first time! (Gaining confidence as he sings)  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken) AHH! What're you doing?! O.o  
  
  
  
Purple Zidler: (singing)   
  
Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen...!  
  
Your hearts beat both in time!   
  
Dib-Duke: (resigning self to listening to this song) o.o;; (goes and sits on his bed)  
  
Purple Zidler: (sings)   
  
I give you all her love!   
  
Her fear is fading fast!  
  
Been saving it all for you! u.u!  
  
Only love can last!   
  
(At this point, several of the Dib-Duke's servants show up, dancing in weird leaps across the floor. There's Chickenfoot, the Bigfoot accountant, a chupacabra, a few of those parking garage rats, a couple of guys in white sheets, and Kief. They surround Purple Zidler, dancing with big cheesy smiles and wearing tuxedos.)   
  
Purple Zidler: (sings) She's so fine and she's thine!  
  
Servants and Kief: (repeat) She's thine! :D  
  
Purple Zidler: (sings) She'll be yours until the end of time!  
  
Servants and Kief: End of time! :D  
  
Purple Zidler: (sings)   
  
'Cause you made her feel...  
  
Yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel. She has nothing to hiiii-AAAAAAH! O.O;;   
  
(the servants and Kief have thrown Purple Zidler onto the bed as well and have begun spinning it around and around)   
  
Purple Zidler: (shouted) GET ME OFF THIS THING!! O.O;;; (jumps up, letting the bed's canopy drop down onto his head) OW! .  
  
  
  
Servants and Kief: (sing, still spinning the bed around, while the two on it hold on for their lives)  
  
Like a virgin!   
  
Touched for the very first time!   
  
Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen.   
  
Your hearts beat both in time.  
  
Like a virgin! Feels so good inside!   
  
When you hold her... and you touch her...and ohh...ohhh!   
  
Purple Zidler: O.O;; (jumps off the bed, sprawling on the floor in a tangle of canopy and green limbs)  
  
Kief: :D (thrusts a microphone at the Dib-Duke) SING!  
  
Dib-Duke: 6.6;;; Uhh... (starts singing)   
  
She's so fine..?  
  
And she's mine.  
  
Makes me strong.   
  
Yes she makes me burn...?   
  
(spoken) WHO WROTE THIS!? O.o  
  
Kief: (takes the microphone and finishes the Dib-Duke's solo) u.u  
  
And her love thawed off...   
  
Yes her lo-uh-uh-uh-uve thawed off  
  
What was scared and cold! (disco moves)  
  
Dib-Duke: o.o (blinkblink) Ooohkay...  
  
Purple Zidler: (sings from the floor, nervously)  
  
Like a virgin!  
  
(The Dib-Duke is unceremoniously dumped to the floor as Purple Zidler is hauled to his feet. The servants and Kief shove the two together)   
  
  
  
Both: (uncertainly) Touched for the very first time...  
  
  
  
Purple Zidler: (turns away fast, singing like his life depends on it) Like a vir-ur-ur-ur-gen! O.O;;;   
  
Dib-Duke: (likewise, singing) Our hearts beat both in time! O.O;;;  
  
(Kief, leading the servants, tries to push the two together again, grinning creepily)   
  
Purple Zidler: (runs, still singing) Like a virgin! O.O;;;   
  
Dib-Duke: (right after him, also singing) Feels so good inside! O.O;;;   
  
Purple Zidler: (runs out on the balcony, panicked)   
  
Dib-Duke: (likewise!)  
  
Servants and Kief: (singing as they chase) :D La-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh...!  
  
Both: (cornered) O.O;; Like a viirrrrrrgeeen!!   
  
END OF SONG   
  
(as the music fades, the servants and Kief suddenly stop, look disappointed, and leave the room)  
  
Purple Zidler: e.e (promptly faints) 


	7. ACT VI: Love VS Jealousy

A/N: I know it's Nini who spills the beans to the Duke, but that really doesn't seem like something Gaz would do. She's much more apathetic than cruel--unless Dib has done something to her recently--which he hasn't. Plus, telling him about Christian and Satine is a lot more hurtful to the lovers than it is to the Duke so... that's the reason for the switch.  
  
ACT VI: Love VS Jealousy  
  
(Pan from the Spectral tower to the dressing rooms of the Moulin Vert. Bastine is lying in bed, covered by a plethora of blankets. Purple Zidler, Prof. Chocolate and Gazi are in the room with her, looking concerned)  
  
Jentian as Narrator: Purple Zidler's mooching of the Redgentinean's lines had once again averted disaster for the Moulin Vert. The Dib-Duke would never know it had all been one big lie. But no lie, however brilliant, could avert disaster for Bastine.   
  
Prof. Chocolate: Monsieur Zidler, Mademoiselle Bastine ….. (the conversation is lost as the two lower their voices)  
  
Purple Zidler: O.O; …. My… dear…. Irk…. (swoons)  
  
Gazi: I'll tell her.  
  
Purple Zidler: NO! NO NO NOO!! O.O GAZ NO!  
  
Gazi: …. WHY not? .O  
  
Purple Zidler: (sadly) The show must go on…   
  
(Cut to the window of Jentian's apartment. Bastine is curled up on the bed, in a fluffy robe. Jentian is standing in the window, looking down at the street)   
  
Jentian as Narrator: All night, the penniless writer—who was me--had waited. And now for the first time, he felt the cold stab of jealousy in his Irken equivalent of a heart.  
  
  
  
Jentian: (turning to Bastine) What happened last night? Why didn't you come? (he's upset)  
  
Bastine: (looking at her feet) I told you…. I was sick. I just woke up this morning.   
  
Jentian: Bast…. You don't have to make things up… (approaches her)  
  
Bastine: (hastily) We have to end it.   
  
Jentian: ………… huh?  
  
Bastine: Look, everyone knows!  
  
Jentian: (annoyed) So let them know! The world should know I love you—  
  
Bastine: (cutting him off) Purple Zidler knows.   
  
Jentian: (yes, that's bad) …. Oh.  
  
Bastine: (continuing) And sooner or later the Dib-Duke will find out too!   
  
Jentian: I could take him .6   
  
Bastine: Ugh…. That's not the point, -.-;  
  
Jentian: What is then? o.o  
  
Bastine: (quietly) On opening night I have to…. go to the Dib-Duke.   
  
Jentian: O_O …………………….. (ulp)  
  
Bastine: (finally looks at him) And the jealousy will drive you mad..  
  
Jentian: No it won't! :O  
  
Bastine: I know you. You were jealous when I hugged ZIMLOUSE. 9.9;   
  
Jentian: (This is true) I…. th…. Then I'll write a song!  
  
Bastine: How will THAT help? O.o  
  
Jentian: Oh it will! I know it! :D And we'll put it in the show! (grabs her hands) And no matter how bad things get…. or whatever happens, whenever you hear it…. or when you sing it or whistle it or hum it or make Lynne play it on her fiddle just because you're stronger than her and can make her do it….  
  
Bastine: Oh you heard about that, huh? ._.  
  
Jentian: (continuing, despite her comment) Then you'll know it! It will mean--it'll mean we love one another!  
  
Bastine: (doesn't say a word)  
  
Jentian: (trying another tactic) If I write this, then I won't get jealous….   
  
Bastine: (turns away from him) Listen…. things don't work that way Jentian.   
  
Jentian: This time they will!! (jumps off the bed, still trying to convince her) This time it will be okay!  
  
Bastine: (not giving in) We have to end it.   
  
SONG - COME WHAT MAY   
  
Jentian: (sings, turning back around to face her)   
  
Never knew I could feel like this.   
  
Like I've never seen the sky before.   
  
Bastine: ^o.o^ (she likes)  
  
Jentian: Want to vanish inside your kiss... 6.6  
  
(Cut to rehearsal at the Moulin Vert. The stage is complete, and the dancers-turned-actors are milling around while Jentian directs from his seat on a half-finished wall)  
  
  
  
Jentian: (spoken) Now this new scene—  
  
Cast: (groans)  
  
Jentian: (spoken) .u This new scene is the scene where the.... uh…. Computer programmer writes a secret song for the temptress—  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken)Wait wait wait o.o If he is a computer programmer, why is he able to write music?  
  
  
  
Jentian: (spoken, irritated) .9 He had help from his amazingly musically inclined computer. Happy?  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) Yes! u.u  
  
Jentian: (spoken) Okay, so he writes a song so that whatever is happening.... however bad things are… the two remember their love and then.... everything is good. o.o  
  
Redgentinean: (yells) BOOOOO! O This is stupid! Why doesn't the programmer just blow up the Soldier Commander?  
  
Jentian: (once again irritated) .9 Because then the Soldier's guards would blow his brains out and HE'D GET NO NOOKIE! O!!  
  
Redgentinean: ……………………… (speaks) oh. o.o … Okay then. u.u; Keep your pants on, writer.  
  
Jentian: -.-; (spoken) We can take it from your line Bastine….   
  
(cut to the stage, where Bastine—in a costume that ROCKS @_@--is kneeling beside the Redgentinean)  
  
Bastine: (spoken) We can't do this... :O (grabs his arms)  
  
Redgentinean: (spoken) Aw, don't worry. u.u We will "conduct" .9 our love affair right under the Commander's nonexistent nose!  
  
Jentian: (teaching the singing part—sings)   
  
Seasons may change, winter to spring...  
  
(cut back to the stage where the Redgentinean collapses)   
  
Redgentinean: XO----  
  
Purple Zidler: (spoken) Honestly Red! Can't you stay awake for ten seconds!? .9 This is impossible!   
  
Jentian: (still on his wall, still teaching the singing part)   
  
But I love you, until the end of time.   
  
Come what may!  
  
Come what may!  
  
I will love you…. until my dying day….   
  
(zoom backwards from the Moulin Vert to a grassy hill. Jentian and Bastine and the Dib-Duke appear to be on a picnic—with Jentian carrying all the stuff. He's walking next to Bastine while the Dib-Duke scurries on ahead)  
  
Both Bastine & Jentian: (sing, looking at each other)  
  
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...   
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken) GOOD LORD!! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT…. What IS that!?! (madly taking pictures of something off camera)   
  
Bastine and Jentian: (sing, close up on them)  
  
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace...  
  
Dib-Duke: (screamies as something large drags him off screen)   
  
Bastine and Jentian: o.o ………….   
  
(cut to Jentian's apartment. He and Bastine are curled up in a chair, asleep together—awwwwww!!)  
  
Bastine&Jentian: (sing off screen)  
  
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste.   
  
It all revolves around you!  
  
(cut to a stream somewhere. Jentian removes his coat and sets it in the water so Bastine can walk across. She does.)  
  
  
  
Bastine&Jentian: (sing to each other from opposite sides of the stream)  
  
And there's no mountain too high,  
  
no river too wide!   
  
(The Dib-Duke attempts to follow, but ends up slipping and being carried off downstream)  
  
Bastine&Jentian: o.o …….. eh. (shrug and wander off)   
  
(Cut back to Jentian's apartment. The two are standing in a doorway, just hugging and being all cute and mushy-like)  
  
Bastine&Jentian: (singing off screen again)  
  
Sing out this song and   
  
I'll be there by your side.  
  
Storm clouds may gather   
  
And stars may collide….  
  
Jentian: (pulls away, singing) But I love you   
  
Bastine: (smiles up at him) I love you….  
  
  
  
Jentian: (sings) Until the end….   
  
Bastine: (is there an echo in here?) Until the end….  
  
Both: (sing) Of time..   
  
(cut to rehearsal again. Cut back and forth from Bastine and Jentian. They're sitting on opposite sides of the room from each other)  
  
Both: (sing) Come what may, come what may, I will love you...  
  
(close-up on Jentian)  
  
  
  
Jentian: (spoken to the cast) At the end…. At the end ummm…. The magical computer programmer falls from the roof!  
  
Kat23a: (horrified) :O!! DOES HE DIE!?  
  
Jentian: (spoken) No! O.o He falls into his voot cruiser and says "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"  
  
Zimlouse: (spoken) I KNEW THAT LINE!! D!  
  
Redgentinean: (spoken) Can I shoot him yet?  
  
(cut to the final rehearsal. The Dib-Duke is watching the play draw to a close. He looks confused—and wet)  
  
  
  
Tak: 9.9 ….. (approaches the Dib-Duke from off screen) Hello.  
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken) Erm… hi O.o  
  
Tak: .u (spoken) This ending's silly, you know.   
  
Dib-Duke: (spoken, confused) Huh? It is? I kind of like it….  
  
Tak: (irritated) Why would the temptress go for the penniless writer?   
  
Dib-Duke: (stunned) WRITER!? O.O   
  
Tak: (evil laugh) Whoops! I mean computer programmer…. Silly me….  
  
(cut to the stage. Everyone is in costume and being all dramatic. Purple Zidler is weeping in a corner—he's in character. Bastine and the Redgentinean clasp hands, singing to each other with the rest of the cast)  
  
  
  
Cast: (belting it out) Come What May!   
  
Bastine: (singing) :O I will love you!!  
  
Cast: (beltbeltbelt) Come what may….! I will love you….! Until my dying…. day….!!!   
  
END OF SONG   
  
(the cast waits for applause)  
  
Dib-Duke: (fumes) This ending stinks of…. Something smelly.   
  
Cast: ………………………… o.o?  
  
Purple Zidler: (nervously) Don't like the ending… my dear duke? :D;;; Whyever not…? (shootmenowO.O)  
  
Dib-Duke: .O Why would a woman choose a penniless computer programmer over the Commander? Are Irken women just bizarre? In my experience (which is nonexistent), all women care about is how much money you have. According to this play, the Commander is rich.  
  
Purple Zidler: Well…. erm…. I…. We're only following the script….   
  
Cast: (getting irritated) .O  
  
Dib-Duke: (continuing like he knows what he's talking about 9.9) Once the programmer has satisfied his lust he will leave the temptress with nothing. That's how it would work logically.   
  
Prof. Chocolate: o.o That poor insane child.  
  
Dib-Duke: .O I HEARD THAT! And, I suggest that, in the end, the temptress choose the Commander. u.u I'm not insane, either.  
  
Zimlouse: Urrrh! FOOLISH DIB-DUKE STINK! How dare you undermine the works of a fellow IRKEN!? While this frivolous storyline is not what ZIM would have written, it DOES make use of those… things…  
  
Lynne: :O It has BEAUTY! Freedom! TRUTH AND LOVE!  
  
Zimlouse: …. What she said.   
  
Dib-Duke: (getting angry) I don't care! .O None of that makes any sense anyway! And why SHOULDN'T the temptress choose the commander???   
  
Jentian: (stands up) Because she doesn't LOVE YOU! O  
  
(horrified silence)  
  
Jentian: O.O …… (too horrified to speak)  
  
Zimlouse: (quickly) HAH! You heard him! The temptress does not LOVE the Commander! HIM! She does not love him! .u   
  
Redgentinean: 9.9 Nice recovery.   
  
Dib-Duke: (Does he know? :O) I see.   
  
Purple Zidler: Are you all right, Duke? O.o;;   
  
Dib-Duke: .u Yes. So, Zidler, this ending will be rewritten.  
  
Purple Zidler: What!? O.O;   
  
Dib-Duke: The temptress will choose the Commander—  
  
Zimlouse: NOW SEE HERE, you sniveling little—  
  
Dib-Duke: (Lookit me have power) –and WITHOUT the lovers' "secret song".  
  
Jentian: Now see here… .O  
  
Dib-Duke: (louder) You better have it ready by opening night! .O   
  
Purple Zidler: O_O;;; …. By.. By OPENING NIGHT!?  
  
Dib-Duke: You heard me.  
  
Purple Zidler: O_O;; (fighting his instinct to faint) My... my dear Dib-Duke. That…. There's no way on Irk or Earth that…. It's just not happening!!  
  
Bastine: (cutting in, apparently in complete control) Purple!   
  
Purple Zidler: O_O;; Yes….?  
  
Bastine: u.u The poor duke is being treated appallingly!   
  
Dib-Duke: I am? O.o  
  
Bastine: u.u (walking down the stairs that lead down to the floor from the stage) These silly Irkhemians ALWAYS let their imaginations run away with them.   
  
Zimlouse: ~.~;;; (lookit him fume)  
  
Bastine: (stands in front of the Dib-Duke, all smiles) Now, why don't you and I have a little supper tonight, and then afterwards we can let Purple Zidler know how we want the story to end?  
  
Dib-Duke: o.o Really? You'll come this time?  
  
Bastine: But of course! :o  
  
Dib-Duke: ~.~; No surprise confessions this time?  
  
Bastine: o.o ………. u.u;;;; No! Of course not!   
  
(cut to backstage. Jentian is hanging around in a doorway while Bastine takes her sparkly hat thingy off)   
  
  
  
Bastine: (walking down the hall, whistling.) 9.9 …. I know you're back there. What's wrong? o.o  
  
  
  
Jentian: (upset) I don't want you to... y'know 6.6;;;   
  
  
  
Bastine: Not now….  
  
Jentian: I know I…. I just….   
  
Bastine: Listen…. He could destroy everything... It's for us...   
  
Jentian: How is this for us!? (grabs her shoulders) HOW!?  
  
Bastine: …. (hugs him) You promised... you promised me you wouldn't be jealous….   
  
Jentian: (hugs her tight) I know…. I'm sorry….   
  
Bastine: (quietly) It will be alright. He's waiting for me...   
  
Jentian: No! . (cling!)   
  
Bastine sings: Come what may...   
  
Jentian: (whispers) Come what may...   
  
(end Act VI) 


End file.
